Once again, today’s article was suggested by a note from a reader: What if book blurbs read like movie posters?
The idea grew out of a web page which poses such teasers as: “This Guy Didn’t Tell His New Governess About His Secret Wife In The Attic. What Happened Next Really Burned Him Up,” and “A Guy With Two First Names Proves ‘Nymphet’ Is The Grossest Word In English.” (Don't want to guess? Here's the full list.)
Since my colleagues are all Very Serious Writers who’d never stoop to such shenanigans, I began to ponder. Yes, I think I can really help the publishing industry.
| Alice would eat and drink anything, especially anything psychedelic. It would become her undoing. |  |
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She took her secret shoe fetish a step too far. | |
| A boy with a shadowy past, no future, and a mean right Hook, meets Wendy, the girl of his dreams. |  |
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You’ve devoted your entire life to consolidating your rule over the universe, only to be thwarted by your own son. Kids! | |
| A teenage angst-ridden rebel-with-a-cause finds his dad is a real pain in the a––… Arm? |  |
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A British Lord one step from conquering the world has to handle one small boy with an unusual birthmark. How hard could it be? | |
| Political advisors both heartless and brainless guide one girl onto a bloody path of destruction. |  |
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Seven men couldn’t satisfy one white girl’s unnatural cravings; it would take an eighth. | |
What would your ads look like?
