Boob Tubery

The Belgian Original

Let's talk TV.  Not long ago I finished watching a  series. Then I watched it again, but different.

(Old philosophical question: Can you step into the same TV series twice?)  But Professor T is sort of a set of  non-identical twins.

The first iteration of Professor T was a Belgian series (2015-2018) starring Koen De Bouw as a highly eccentric but brilliant professor of criminolgy at the  University of Antwerp.  He assists the police there while struggling with his considerable assortment of neuroses, especially a germ phobia.  He also has an unfortunate addiction to telling the truth, no matter who it hurts.

Professor Teerlinck is an example of the Holmes school of annoying genius detectives.  Fun to watch but hell on the people who work with them.   One of the entertaining aspects of the show is that we see the Professor's active fantasy life acted out before our eyes. So the police officers will suddenly start dancing, or a rival professor might explode...

The British Version

I have been watching the show on PBS and now you can also go there to see  its relative, the BBC version. In this one Professor T is Jasper Tempest, a Cambridge scholar played by Ben Miller (the original star of Murder in Paradise.)  All of the plots are borrowed from Belgian episodes, with significant differences, of course, and those changes are what fascinates me. For example, in an episode called "The Perfect Picture" the plot is mostly the same but the motive and murderer change.  It feels very much like the authors of the British episode had a grudge against a certain profession and modified the plot accordingly.

The biggest change, though, is the story that ends Season Two in both series.  It feels like the English team wimped out on this one, although to be fair, this may relate to a difference in the laws in the two countries.

On the whole I liked the Belgian version better, largely because of the main actors. Miller plays the professor with only two expressions: Man With Toothache, and Man Pretending Not To Have Toothache.  De Boew on the other hand, has mostly one expression: supercilious superiority, which  fits the character better.  (To be fair, he has one more facial tic: terror when he is around his mother.)

British Fantasy Scene

And that brings up one area where the British version wins: Frances de la Tour plays Mom and if you don't love Frances, fie on you. Another place where the Brits prove superior is the surreal scenes from Prof T's imagination, although they seem to have forgotten to include them in the last few episodes.

You might want to compare our own Janice Law's take on the Belgian version.   Oh, apparently there are German and French versions too, but they haven't shown up on my screen so far.

Now I would like to talk about  the new reboot of Matlock. There are spoilers ahead so if you plan to watch the show please stop reading now or jump down below the picture of my cat.

Okay?  Everybody gone?

The new Matlock is a Trojan horse.  It cheerfully promotes itself as a reboot of the old show but it is nothing of the kind.  All the two series have in common is a senior citizen lawyer with a Southern accent (very occasionally in the latter version).

Kathy Bates plays a lawyer pretending to bear the name of the old TV show (which is fictional in her universe) but she is carrying out a convoluted scheme and a lot of what she says turns out to be lies.

The series this reboot resembles more closely is Mission: Impossible.   At the beginning of each episode of that old spy show we learned a little about the team's cunning plan.  But at some point (usually just before a commercial break) something would appear to go disastrously wrong.  Only after the ad for corn flakes or whatever would we learn whether the disaster was 1) part of the plan, 2) not part of it  but a contingency that had been prepared for, or 3) uh oh, we're in deep doodoo.

The same thing happens frequently in the reboot.  For example, Matlock gets caught in someone's office.  Is she in big trouble, or was this part of her scheme all along?  Cool stuff.

As other viewers have said this plot feels like it can't run for years.  I hope it is intended for a limited run.  Also the underlying story lacks the grim realism of, say, a Scooby-Doo cartoon.

But I keep watching it, largely because of  Kathy Bates, who each week offers a master class in physical acting.  When she is silent her face reveals more than the other actors do when they are speaking.

Okay, as promised, here are  my cats.

Quickies on two more crime shows I have been enjoying:

A Man on the Inside (Netflix). Ted Danson plays a widowed professor who is hired by a private eye to move into a senior complex and find a jewelry thief.  He isn't very good at it but the show is warm and funny and the elder actors (including Sally Struthers) are having a great time.

Where's Wanda? (Apple+) is in German with subtitles.  When the Klatt family's teenage daughter disappears the parents decide to plant spy cameras in every house in their lovely suburban neighborhood. They soon find that almost everyone has secrets, including members of the family.  The show is funny and sad and intriguing. But I have to say: I was almost at the end of the series when characters began behaving in such offensively stupid ways to keep the plot going that I gave up on the show.

Wishing you better luck. 

  

 

Stay Out of my Head

photo by Peter Rozovsky

 You have probably encountered Anthony Horowitz in one format or another.  He is a master of television, creating Foyle's War, being one of the first writers of Midsomer Murders, and so on.  His Susan Ryland novels and Alex Rider young adult books have been filmed for TV.

Recently I have been listening to audio versions of his Hawthorne novels.  They are deliberately odd books, featuring a narrator named Anthony Horowitz who writes novels and TV shows, and plays reluctant sidekick to Daniel Hawthorne, a former cop who was kicked off the force because he may (or may not) have thrown a pedophile down the stairs.  They are delightful fair play mysteries.

 Each book plays with the genre in different ways.  In the fifth book, Close to Death, Horowitz is on deadline to write another book but there are no convenient crimes to work on so he attempts to build a volume out of one of Hawthorne's former cases.  This means that big chunks of the book are in third person, since our narrator (Horowitz the narrator, not the audiobook's narrator.  Got it?) was not present for the events.

And that's where I got a big surprise.  At one point we are told that Hawthorne looked off and noticed something.  I don't have the exact wording because, as I have said, I was listening to an audio-book and it wasn't convenient to go back and find it. But I actually jumped a little when I heard that sentence.

Because we have never been allowed into the detective's head before.  That made even this tiny excursion there seem like a violation.  From then on I was paying attention and was able to copy down another example: "He didn't like to be close to people he didn't know." That is not narrator-Horowitz speaking but the omniscient third-person narrator, and it just felt like a violation.

The reason is that Hawthorne himself is a mystery (each book reveals a bit more about him, not all of it necessarily true) and also he is the detective.  We are not allowed to get into his head, because if we knew what he knew, the mystery would be over long before the end of the book.

This reminds me of something Mick Herron said at a Bouchercon I attended a few years ago.  He was talking about his Slow Horses series and he said he could never let the reader into the head of the main character, Jackson Lamb.  If he did we would know how much of his vulgarity, insults, racism, misogyny, etc. was real, and how much was put-on to annoy people.  So while we can get into the skulls of his other characters, Lamb must remain sphinxlike.  

I planned to end this there but I have been reading The Night the Rich Men Burned by Malcolm Mackay (what a title!) and he brings up a slightly different issue.  This Scottish author has a unique style.  I would guess that each of his books has almost twice as many words as another novel with similar page count, because there is almost no dialog.  Everything is happening, present tense,  in the heads of the characters.  If we learn that it is raining it is because a character notices it.

And he is quite casual about head-hopping, moving from one person's thoughts to another as easily as changing paragraphs.  Usually this would drive me mad but Mackay makes it work.  

So how do you feel about writers prying too closely into their characters' skulls?

Test the Best

This is my sixteenth review of the best short mysteries of the year. I am sure  the judges of Edgars, Derringers, etc. can relax since they can simply look here for all the greats (well, except for these and those.)  

If you mention this list, and I hope you do, please refer to it as something like "Robert Lopresti's best short mysteries of the year list at SleuthSayers," NOT as the "SleuthSayers' best of..." because my fellow bloggers are ruggedly independent and may well have opinions of my own.

There are 14 winners this year, down two from 2023. Ten are by men, 4 by women. The big winner is Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, with three stories. Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, Down and Out Books, and White City Press each scored 2. One author has two stories in my list, which has only happened three times before. Five stories are by my fellow SleuthSayers.

Okay. Let's get down in the dirt.

Binney, Robert J. "Restoration Software,"  in The Killing Rain, edited by Jim Thomsen, Down and Out Books, 2024.

 

This is the story of a Seattle private eye, not exactly a  native to the city, but one who has been kicking (ahem) around the northwest for a long time.  "He might be an eight-foot-tall mythological savage covered in mottled, tangled fur, but he was no dummy."   Yup. Sasquatch, P.I.

 Chase, Joslyn. "Mall Cop Christmas Parade,"  in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, January/February  2024.

'Tis the merry season in California and Bradford Hines has a ticket to get back to his family in Maryland.  But he's in a busy mall and before he can grab that plane he wants to grab a wallet out of a man's jacket.  That part's easy, but Brad is not as  smooth a pickpocket as he thinks and a female security guard catches him in the act.  Or is that what happens? 

 Cody, Liza, "Don't Push Me,"  in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, July/August 2024.

This is Cody' fourth appearance in my best of the year list. Debby "Basher" Belker is a squaddy - a British soldier.  She has seen a lot of combat overseas but this story takes place in England and the trouble starts when she sees a man beating a small boy. True to her reputation,  she hits first and asks questions after.  Turns out the boy  is a thief, but the man is selling counterfeit goods.  The police have no interest in prosecuting him but Belker takes advantage of a possibility that does not exist in the United  States: She organizes a private prosecution. The crook's bosses object...

D'Agnese, Joseph S. "When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bled,"  in Murder, Neat: A SleuthSayers Anthology, edited by Michael Bracken and Barb Goffman, Level Short, 2024.

I have a story in this book. Joe is a fellow SleuthSayer.

It's Greenwich Village in 1859 and eccentric people flock to Pfaff's a German-owned tavern.  When a theatre critic is murdered there  poet and regular Walt Whitman decides to solve the crime before the police find out what goes on there and shuts the joint down.

Floyd, John M.  "Hole in my Soul,"  in Janie's Got a Gun: Crime Fiction Inspired by the Music of Aerosmith, edited by Michael Bracken, White City Press, 2024.

Hard to believe this is SleuthSayer Floyd's first mention on this list. 

The narrator  saves a child from dying in a horrible accident. Then he walks off down the street with something on his mind.  The fun part is finding out what.

Hannah, James D.F. "Do You See the Light?"  in Lost and Loaded: A Gun's Tale, edited by Colin Conway, Original Ink Press, 2024.

I have a story in this book. 

John owns a record shop, selling vintage discs to fanatical collectors.  His friend Danny makes his living as a clown at children's parties, which doesn't really match his personality: "You oughta be able hunt five-year-olds for sport." They suspect a very valuable album (five figures!) might be in a wealthy home in town, and decide to try a short career as burglars. It doesn't go well.

Mallory, Michael. "Who Wants to Kill Someone?" , in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine,  January/February 2024. 

Michael is our newest SleuthSayer. and this is his second hit on my list. 

Bruce  signs up for a hit TV show called Who Wants to Kill Someone?  The cast is flown to a Central American country and one member is assigned the role of murderer and is then actually expected to kill a fellow performer.    Bruce is given the role of murderer and learns that  not everyone is who they appear to be and the actual plot of the show is different than it seems - but no less dangerous.  

O'Connor, Paul Ryan. "No One Will Believe You,"  in Mystery Magazine, March 2024.

Ayden is a dishwasher at a restaurant in the South Bronx, sharing  an apartment with four people ( he gets the couch).  His troubles really begin when he gets mugged at gun point by the most famous actor in the world,

“You can’t get away with this,” Ayden said . “You’re a movie star . I know who you are . Everyone knows who you are .”

“No one will believe you,” Ted Pace said...

Pochoda, Ivy.  "Johnny Christmas,"  in Eight Very Bad Nights: A Collection of Hanukkah Noir, edited by Tod Goldberg, Soho Crime, 2024.

The narrator, Davo, recently got out of the army and decides to get a tattoo.  He gets linked up to an artist named Johnny Christmas and immediately recognizes him as Mike Goldfarb, who he had known many years before at the Brooklyn House of Detention. Goldfarb was awaiting trial for running over his grandmother's landlord. Twice.    A nice character study.

Rusch, Kristine Kathryn, "The Bride Case,"  in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2024.

This is Rusch's fourth appearance on the list. The narrator  is an attorney, on his way to an important homicide case, but  he  looks in on a colleague  trying her first divorce case.  Something goes wrong, life-changingly wrong, and the story shifts.  Later it changes again and we get to what the story is really about, as the narrator has to really think about his relationship with the law.

Troy, Mark, "The Car Hank Died In,"  in Tales of Music, Murder, and Mayhem: Bouchercon Anthology 2024, edited by Heather Graham, Down and Out Books, 2024.

Two horny teenagers decide the perfect place to fool around is the backseat of an old Cadillac.  Couple of problems with that: 1. The driver is about to take it out for gas.  2. This isn't just any old Caddy; it's the one where Hank Williams took his last breath and is used in parades on holidays, such as the next day.  Next problem: a cowboy with a gun and bad intentions.

Walker, Joseph S. "Come On Eileen," in (I Just) Died in Your Arms, edited by J. Alan Hartman, White City Press, 2024.

Fouth story on this list by my fellow SleuthSayer,

 Liam Walsh grew up in a neighborhood called Little Dublin, ruled over by Patrick Flynn.  His father worked for Flynn, and Liam adored Flynn's daughter, Eileen. At an off-to-college party for Eileen, Flynn shot Liam's parents, killing his mother and crippling his father. Years later Liam finds out what really happened...

Walker, Joseph S. "And Now, an Inspiring Story of Tragedy Overcome,"  in Three Strikes -- You're Dead!, edited by Donna  Andrews, Barb Goffman, and Marcia Talley, Wildside Press, 2024. 

And here is greedy Joe back with a fifth story.   That ties him with David Dean for the most ever (so far). 

Lonnie Walsh is a second generation mobster.  His sister dies giving birth to the daughter of Brant, her  worthless  husband.  Lonnie has to watch over little Kayla while trying to keep idiot Brant out of trouble. Things get more complicated when Kayla has the potential to be  a world-class figure skater, if her family's reputation doesn't interfere.

 

Wiebe, Sam, "The Barguzin Sable,"  in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, March/April, 2024.

David Wakeland is a Vancouver P.I. At his mother's request he investigates the home invasion of a neighbor that included her murder and the theft of her precious fur coat, a relic that came over from Russia a century before.  It turns out that  the sable means many things to different people.  As one character says "You can't expect common sense from folks who wear weasel."

By the way, in the last month several SleuthSayers have presentied in this space  a review of their year's work.  I actually put mine up on a different site.  Feel free to take a peek.

Inner Spark, Outer Spark

 

I have two new stories in anthologies and they make a nice contrast in answering the age-old question: Where do you get your ideas?

For instance, I was biking one day and saw a phone lying in the street.  It was still functional but it was locked and there was no way to contact the owner.  I put up a message on NextDoor and got no response.

Eventually I brought it to the local shop of the service that ran the phone.  I don't know whether they cracked the code and contacted the author or cannibalized it for parts, or just chucked it in the trash, but I had done all I could do.

Except.

A Nurse Log (National Park Service) 

I could write a story about it.  "The Nurse Log" appears in Agatha and Derringer Get Cozy: Thirteen Tales of Murder, Mystery, and Master Detection, edited by Gay Toltl Kinman, and Andrew McAleer.

It's about a somewhat eccentric biker who finds a phone on a road and tries to contact the owner.  Turns out the device is connected to a crime and he winds up stuck in the middle.

I would call this story the result of an inner spark.  I was reacting to something that I experienced.

Sometime after I wrote that story I received a call from Colin Conway.  He writes police novels set in Spokane and has edited three anthologies, with each story and set in Spokane.

He asked if I would like to write a story for his fourth anthology.  Each tale would involve someone finding a gun (always the same gun), using it in a crime, and then leaving it somewhere where someone else could find it.

Spokane Convention Center

 I thought that was intriguing and wrote back that I would try if he would agree to two points. 1) I had only been to Spokane once and that was for the World Science Fiction Conference, so I would focus my story on the Spokane Conference Center. 2) I wanted to avoid the obvious gun-related crimes (shooting or threatening to shoot someone).  

Colin approved my plan.  The result was ""The Book Deal," a story about a publishing conference and two editors dueling over a new book my a hot influencer.  it is now available in Lost and Loaded: A Gun's Tale. 

So that is an example of an external inspiration: Someone other than me suggested the topic for the story.  

I prefer the internal ones, since they tend to be close to my heart.  But it can be fun to work from another writer's suggestion.  And hey, it's nice to be wanted. 

Afternote: I have since found two more cell phones.  In neither case could I get them back to the owner.

Being Resolute

 

Happy New Year!  Since I have the honor of welcoming in the glorious new annum I thought I might provide some Resolutions for Writers.  Not for me, of course.  Perfection is for the gods alone and I already come so dangerously close I could be accused of hubris.  These tips are for the rest of you. 

* None of my characters will be shot in the shoulder and act as if it were a mosquito bite.

* None of my female characters will use their Feminine Wiles to get information they could have received just by asking, unless such behavior  is one of their characteristics.

* None of my present-day characters will go into a dangerous situation without a working cell phone or a damned good explanation of why they had none.

* None of my stories will switch from present to past tense and back again, or first to third person ditto, without a good reason.

* None of the following words will appear in the final draft without being savagely interrogated and forced to defend their existence: suddenly, very, just, had, got.

* Villains will not explain their evil plot to captured heroes without a damned good reason. 

* None of my characters will smile, smirk, or grimace their dialog, because those words describe facial expressions, not ways of speaking.  (Sneer gets a pass.)

* No headhopping.  "George thought Frank was lying. Frank wondered if George thought he was lying.  George wondered what Frank was thinking. Alice wondered why the narrator didn't pick a goddamn lane."

* My hero will not be knocked unconscious at a convenient moment.

* My characters will not hiss a sentence with no S in it.

* A supernatural event in my story will not have a rational explanation - and then be Overturned By Something Spooky, The End.

* If I have five characters I will not name them Mary, Marv, Mark, Mike, and Mickey.

* I will not let a day go by without doing something to promote mystery short fiction, my own, or others. 

By the way, I have committed at least two of these abominations, but I swear I am reformed now.

Any additions? 

Writing Advice from 1908, Part 2

Last Wednesday I offered you some words of wisdom from Writing the Short-Story by J. Berg Esenwein.  Published in 1908, it was one of the first creative writing manuals. Here are some more of his tips, useful or otherwise.

* "As a character the detective cannot be much more than a dummy.  That is, his individuality cannot be brought out in a single short-story, except by a few bold strokes of delineation; but when he figures in a series of stories, as does Sherlock Holmes, the reader at length comes to know him quite well."

* "The novel is expansive, the short-story intensive."

* Sir Walter Scott said that "in nature herself no two scenes were exactly alike, and that whoever copied truly what was before his eyes, would possess the same variety in his descriptions, and exhibit apparently an imagination as boundless as the range of nature in the scenes he recorded; whereas -- whoever trusted to imagination, would soon find his own mind circumscribed, and contracted to a few favorite images."

* "Wise is that writer who patiently awaits the hour of full-coming before attempting to write."

* Esenwein says there are three main streams of fiction. He does not do a great job of explaining them or giving adequate examples but here you go: Realism (which "paints men as they are" and in which he suggests the author should not express a point of view), Romanticism (such as Kipling's "The Man Who Would Be King,"), and Idealism (which expresses the world as the author wishes it was, such as "A Christmas Carol.")

*"Must I typewrite my story? You need not, but you ought to.." 

* There are  many ways to tell a story. "Another variation is that in which a minor character tells of the deeds of his enemy, who is nevertheless the central figure in the story." 

* "A hackneyed device is to tell the story in the first person after having introduced the speaker by a second person, who really thus reports the story 'as it is told to me.' You may be sure of two things in this connection: a story begun in this style must possess unusual merit to offset the triteness of its introduction; and, it is a hard task to convince the reader that you could not have plunged into the story in the first person direct, relying upon the opening sentences to set the scene.  Still, if you can do it exquisitely, go ahead.  No rule in art is so good but that it may well be broken by a master stroke." I point out that Henry James' "The Turn of the Screw" was written a decade earlier.

* "All things must be looked at with an eye to their possible literary use."

* "Many an unwary author has slipped on the simple matter of forgetting that it takes time to travel here, there, and back again; that people normally get older with the lapse of years; and that events must be consistent with the procession of the seasons."

* "Wit deals with externals, humor seeks out the heart; wit consorts with contempt, scorn and hate; humor abides with friendship, benevolence and love; wit holds folly up to darting ridicule, humor looks with gentle sympathy upon weakness."

* "In the mystery story the author should begin early to set his wires so that with a single pull the whole house of bafflement may come tumbling down before our eyes, at a glance disclosing the secret. In the short-story the mystery must be less complex than the novel, hence the uncovering of the secret will require less time. But if I knew how to hold a breathless mystery up to the last moment and then disclose it all in a trice, I could not -- and perhaps would not if I could -- impart it to others.  This is the very incommunicable heart of the plotter's craft."

Some Previous Owners

* "The use of quotation marks does not convert a passage into dialogue." - Arlo Bates

* Could a story have two reasonable but different endings?  Robert  Louis Stevenson: "The whole tale is implied; I never use an effect when I can help ir, unless it prepare the effects that are to follow; that's what a story consists in. To make another end; that is to make the beginning all wrong... The body and end of a short-story is bone of the bone and blood of the bone of the beginning."

* Character's "speech must show not so much what they say as what they are." 

Near the end Esenwein lists "One hundred representative stories."  I had read eight of them (e.g. Bret Harte "The Outcasts of Poker Flat"), heard of 39 other authors, (e.g. Rudyard Kipling "The Man Who Was") and was completely unfamiliar with the rest. Such is fame, or my ignorance.

Thanks again to Mary Lou Condike for giving me much to think about.

Writing Advice From 1908, Part 1

A few months ago John Floyd asked if I would be interested in a very old book about creative writing.  Mary Lou Condike had found it and offered it to him.  John didn't want it but thought I might.  I said sure, why not. Mary Lou very kindly mailed it to me and it has been part of my bedtime reading for a while.  

Writing the Short-Story by J. Berg Esenwein was published in 1908.  According to Wikipedia it is one of the first creative writing manuals.  When Esenwein wrote it he was the editor of Lippincott's Magazine.

So clearly the information was going to be a little dated.  But I thought it would be fun to see what, if anything, I could learn from this book.  Don't expect a review, just a summary of things I thought were interesting for one reason or another. Some still make sense. A few will astonish you.

* Let's start with something that appears near the end of the book which I am sure will move the hearts of all the writers out there. In discussing the processing of submitting stories to magazines Esenwein asks:  how long should you wait to hear from an editor? "If you do not get an answer in three weeks, it may be wise to drop a line courteously asking for a decision, but you had better wait the month out."  That sound you just heard was the rueful laughter of thousands of authors.  In today's modern age of mad speed and instant communication, well... I have fourteen stories out waiting for judgment by editors.  The wait is currently an average of 131 days, with the median being 95 days.  Considerably more than four weeks.  

* Esenwein tells us the oldest known story is in The Westcar Papyrus.  I had never heard of it but it turns out to be an Egyptian manuscript from roughly 1600 BCE, although the stories seem to be a millennium older.  The tales are about priests and magicians doing amazing things. If you have ever heard that cutting an animal in half and restoring it to life is "the oldest trick in the book," this papyrus is the book.

* "Men are often interested in fictional characters whom they would not care to know in life."

* Mystery writers "all introduce the detective, amateur or professional, for the purpose of unraveling the mystery before the reader's very eyes and yet concealing the key-thread until the last.  Sometimes the web  of entanglement is woven also in full sight -- with the author's sleeves rolled up as a guarantee of good faith; and the closer you watch the less you see."

Esenwein

* Character "names should be fitting. Phyllis ought not to weigh two hundred, nor ought Tommy to commit suicide. Luther must not be a burglar, Maud a washerwoman, nor John spout tepid romance.  The wrong surname will handicap a character as surely as the wrong pair of hands.  Hardscrabble does not fit the philanthropist any more than Tinker suggests the polished diplomat, or Darnaway the clergyman."

* "A man who has a stirring fact or a thrilling experience has not a story until he has used it in some proper way - has constructed it, has built it." - Walter Page 

* Esenwein gives us a list of things a short story is not: an episode, a scenario or synopsis, a biography, a mere sketch, or a tale.  In a tale "events take a simple course," but in a short-story "this course is interrupted by a complication."

* "Never write back sarcastic letters when your offerings are rejected. You may need that editor some day."

* "In the detective plot, the author seems to match his wits against the detective's, by striving to concoct a mystery which presents an apparently impossible situation. It adds to his problem that he must leave the real clue in full sight, yet so disguised that the reader cannot solve the mystery before some casual happening, or the ingenuity of the detective, shows it to the reader at the proper moment."* "To make a first-class short-story longer would be to spoil it."

* Some themes for stories may just "pop into your mind." "Sir, Madame, I am a Story. Write me up!" I wish that would happen more often.

*The advice on the left will make most modern writers, not to say editors, shudder in horror.

* Sir Arthur Phelps quotes an anonymous friend: "Whenever you write a sentence that particularly pleases you, CUT IT OUT." An early statement of "Kill your darlings."

* "Whatever may be the thing which one wishes to say, there is but one word for expressing it, only one verb to animate it, only one adjective to qualify it.  It is essential to search for this word, for this verb, for this adjective, until they are discovered, and to be satisfied with nothing else." - Flaubert

* "Write at white heat because you can think big thoughts only under stress of emotion; but revise in a cool mood."

* Esenwein criticizes writers who "debase their gifts by presenting distorted views of life, placing false values upon the things of experience, and picturing unclean situations -- all for the sake of gain." Thank heavens that never happens anymore.

This is getting long so I will give you the rest of Esenwein's wisdom next Monday.   See you then!

You Could Look It Up

There are probably as many Rules for Writers as there are writers. Maybe more. The rule I’m thinking of today goes like this: Don’t show your research.

A good author of fiction will often do a lot of digging before they write.  Does that type of pistol have a safety? What symptoms does that poison cause? How much wood would a woodchuck—Never mind.

These details can make a story more believable and more interesting.  But it has to look natural.  If the reader thinks they have stumbled into a college lecture they may fall asleep out of sheer habit.

I try to avoid this trap but I must admit that sometimes, darn it, I want you to notice my research. This is partly because I am a recovering librarian, but mainly because when I write a historical mystery it is important to be clear when I am not just making things up.

Bandon, OR

I have a story coming out in the next issue of Black Cat Mystery Magazine called “The Night Beckham Burned Down.” It was inspired by the actual tragic events that occurred in Bandon, Oregon in 1936.
Editor Michael Bracken was kind enough to let me put an Author’s Note at the end pointing out that many of the bizarre anecdotes in my story really happened.  (For example, some people survived the wildfire by submerging themselves in a cranberry bog.) I simply imposed the true events on a group of fictional characters and, naturally, added a murder.

So that’s one way of handling the see-my-research problem.  I used a different trick in  my story in the November/December issue of Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine.  “Christmas Dinner” is part of my series set in Greenwich Village in 1958, and there is an important clue based on something that really happened back then.

I thought it was important to make that clear.  Why? Well, imagine the master detective announcing: “I knew John Fictional was the murderer because his middle name is Tyrone.  That fact was never mentioned in this novel, but I just happened to know it.”  You wouldn’t cheer; you’d probably throw the book away. Vigorously.

So I wanted the reader to know that my clue was based on an obscure fact but a genuine one. My solution was to have my detective, the beat poet Delgardo, announce the clue and then say “This is true. Look it up.” He is supposedly talking to his friends, but in reality I am having him speaking to my audience, hopefully without breaking the fourth wall.

I doubt if any of the readers really will look that fact up but at least they know they could.

Let’s get slightly off topic. Until I started writing this piece I had thought Delgardo said “You could look it up,” so I want to look at that longer phrase.

I easily found a website that credits the phrase to Yogi Berra, the legendary New York Yankees catcher and manager.  He was also known as an amazing phrase-maker so it is not surprising that the term gets attributed to him, considering its baseball connection (What baseball connection?  We will get to that.).

Berra’s talent was coming up with phrases that seemed to be half-incoherent and half-Zen koan.  My favorite: “If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.”  And:  “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” Believe me, I could go on.

But “You can look it up” is hardly a phrase worthy of the master.  So it is not surprising that I found another website indignantly insisting that the creator was actually Casey Stengel, a legendary pitcher and manager.

Sorry, folks.  He didn’t say it either.

Eddie Gaedel

James Thurber (also legendary, but as an author not a ballplayer) wrote “You Could Look It Up,” a story which appeared in Saturday Evening Post in 1941. The narrator (who sounded a lot like Stengel, actually) told a wild tale about a baseball manager hiring a little person (Thurber said midget but that term is frowned on now) because “I wanted to sign up a guy they ain’t no pitcher in the league can strike him out.”

And here is where the fact and fiction coalesce again.  In 1951 Bill Veeck, the owner of the famously awful and unlucky St. Louis Browns, hired Eddie Gaedel, a little person, as a pinch hitter for publicity's sake.  He claimed he had forgotten about Thurber’s story until his man came up to bat.

Back to fiction. One more thing about my story “Christmas Dinner.” I suspect that if any readers complain it will not be about the aforementioned clue.  If they do gripe will be about something else that occurs in the tale.  “That’s not how X happens!” they will exclaim.

Ah, but I have a link to a website that proves that the way I describe X is exactly how it happened back in 1958.

And if they don’t believe me, they can look it up.

Breaking into Showbiz 5

 

This is our fifth installment of this game.   The rules are simple.

Below you will find ten characters familiar from popular culture.  Your job is to decide where they originated.  For example: Zorro began life in a short story by Johnston McCulley (1919).

The white box shows the possible answers.  Solutions are at the bottom of the page.

George Bailey.

Don Juan.

MacBeth.

Tweedledee.

 

Tony Manero.

Morgul the Friendly Drelb.

Inspector Clouseau.

Sach Jones.

John McClane.

Boilerplate.

Got your votes in?  Okay, here we go...

George Bailey. Short story.  George Bailey is, of course, the hero of the movie  It's A Wonderful life.  Few people know that he originated in a story by Philip Van Doren Stern called "The Greatest Gift" (1943). Stern couldn't find a publisher for his tale so he had 200 copies printed and sent out as holiday gifts, and a Hollywood producer got his hands on one.  The movie (1946) was nominated for five Oscars and is consistently listed as one of the best American movies.

Don Juan. Play. The man whose name is synonymous with seduction was invented by a priest. Tirso de Molina  lived most of his life in Spain and claimed to have written over 300 plays but he is famous for The Trickster of Seville and the Stone Guest, which introduced the rogue.  DJ has since appeared in a play by Moilere, an opera by Mozart, a poem by Lord Byron, and a movie starring Errol Flynn. 

Macbeth. Real life.   Macbethad mac Findláech was  king of Scotland from 1040 to 1057. He replaced King Duncan, not by treacherously killing him in his sleep, but by winning a battle in which Duncan died.  Shakespeare made him a villain, at least partly because his enemy Banquo was thought to be an ancestor of the current King James.  Oh, have you ever wondered what Lady Macbeth's name was? In  real life she was Gruoch ingen Boite. No wonder Bill the Bard just called her Lady.

Tweedledee. Poem or Nursery Rhyme?  Mr. Dee and his companion Dum received their familiar shape and other characteristics in Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass (and Tenniel's illustrations) but their origin story is older and murkier than that.

John Byrom wrote a poem in 1725:

Some say, compar'd to Bononcini

That Mynheer Handel's but a Ninny

Others aver, that he to Handel

Is scarcely fit to hold a Candle

Strange all this Difference should be

'Twixt Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee!

And that is apparently the oldest written reference to the two T's so some have claimed Byrom originated them.  To which I reply: Pfui.  It makes no sense for the poet to have invented these names and thrown them into his poem at random.  Surely he was assuming that his audience was already familiar with this nursery rhyme, although it didn't appear in print until 1805:

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

    Agreed to have a battle;

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee

    Had spoiled his nice new rattle.

Just then flew down a monstrous crow,

    As black as a tar-barrel;

Which frightened both the heroes so,

    They quite forgot their quarrel

Of course, this is the poem Carroll based his characters on.

Tony Manero. Article or Short Story? Ah,yes. Cool white suits. Disco dance moves. John Travolta.  Some of you may remember that Saturday Night Fever was inspired by an article in New York Magazine by Nik Cohn titled "Tribal Rites of the New Saturday Night." Twenty years later Cohn admitted that he made the whole thing up.  He did attempt to go to a disco but a drunk threw up on his leg so he gave up on research.  So Tony Manero was a figment of the Brit's imagination.

Morgul the Friendly Drelb. Television. Anyone too young to collect Social Security probably thinks I made this up.  I didn't.  Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In premiered on January 22, 1968 and was one of the defining TV shows of the sixties.  That first episode included a sketch about a pink Bigfoot-like creature named, well, you already guessed. The bit wasn't funny and he never reappeared. But at the beginning of every episode  the golden-throated announcer Gary Owen read off the list of cast members and it ended with "and Morgul the Friendly Drelb!"

Inspector Clouseau. Movies. No surprise here.  The incompetent French cop was played by Peter Sellers in The Pink Panther and four sequels.  But the story is a bit more complicated.  The second flick, A Shot in the Dark, was based on a play which did not include Clouseau.  In later movies he was portrayed by Alan Arkin, Roger Moore (in a cameo), and Steve Martin.

Sach Jones. Movies. Horace DeBussy "Sach" Jones was a character in the almost fifty Bowery Boys movies, played by Huntz Hall. Growing up I watched one on TV almost every Saturday morning.  As the short movies got sillier goofy Sach became a major player.  I looked this up after seeing the movie Dead End (1937), starring Humphrey Bogart.  In that movie and the original play, Hall played a juvenile delinquent and the "Dead End Kids," led by Hall and Leo Gorcey spun off into several movie series before ending up as the way-past-their-sale-date delinquents in the Bowery Boys.  One little oddity: In 1943 Hall starred as "Dilbert," a dangerously incompetent naval pilot in the training film "Don't Kill Your Friends." 

John McClane. Novel.  We all know McClane from the Die Hard movies, but he is based on Detective Joe Leland in Roderick Thorp's novel Nothing Lasts Forever, about terrorists taking over a skyscraper.  Oddly enough this is not Leland's first sojourn to popcorn-land.  Frank Sinatra's The Detective was based on Thorp's first novel about him.  So arguably Sinatra and Bruce Willis played the same guy.

https://tinyurl.com/3td9e635

Boilerplate. Website. Boilerplate was a robot first revealed in 1893, who participated in an Antarctic expedition, the Spanish-American War, and the Boxer Rebellion.  Of course, none of that is true.  It was created by Paul Guinan in 2000 for a website, using remarkably realistic looking historical photos of Boilerplate with Teddy Roosevelt, etc.

But here's where it gets weird. In 2005 actor Chris Elliott wrote a comic historical novel called The Shroud of the Thwacker, using Boilerplate as a character. He gave Guinan no credit. Was this plagiarism? Not intentionally. But surely Elliott didn't think the robot was real?

No, he said.  He thought it was a Victorian hoax. Happily Gaulin and Elliott reached an agreement out of court.

Well, that's enough. Until next time, may all your Drelbs be friendly.

Double Event

I have had an unusual experience recently.  For one thing, I have a story, "Welcome to JFR!", in the November/December issue of Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. That's unusual all by itself since I have only sold them 4 stories in 48 years of trying.  But I also have a story, "Christmas Dinner," in the same issue of Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine.  Talk about serendipity.

"Welcome to JFR!"  barely qualifies as a story.  It is the editor's introduction to an issue of a rather unusual journal - my revenge on 35 years of being an academic librarian.

"Christmas Dinner," on the other hand, is a novella, the third about Delgardo, the beat poet detective, and set in 1958. My narrator, Thomas Gray, is experiencing homesickness because it is his first December away from home, so a friend takes him for a traditional Manhattan Christmas dinner - in a Chinese restaurant.  Naturally, murder happens.

Now here is the really weird thing.  Back in 2009 I had a story in the July/August issue of AHMM and another in the August issue of EQMM.  So, this is the second time I have doubled my pleasure, so to speak.

 But there is another coincidence (a double double event).  I recently learned that  Otto Penzler put one of my stories in his Other Distinguished list at the back of The Best Mystery Stories of the Year 2024. And now I discovered that Steph Cha put one of my tales in the Distinguished list in Best American Mystery and Suspense.   

The coolest part is they were two different stories.

Penzler, who is among other things, a historian of our field, chose "The Accessories Club," (AHMM March/April),  which plays with some of our subgenres.   Steph Cha, when she took on the editorship of her series said we might expect to see more stories by women and people of color.  I am neither but "Memorial" (Black Cat Weekly #95) does feature a strong female protagonist. 

You might say both editors were on-brand.  I'm just happy they liked my tales.

By the way, extra credit to anyone who recognizes the source of the title for today's blog.