Hey, Watch THIS . . .

 

My topic today is something I don't often talk about, or even think much about: experimental fiction.

You know what I mean. Stories or novels that are unusual in some way, most often in format, technique, or structure.

When I think experimental, I'm reminded of Faulkner writing a short story in first-person plural POV ("A Rose for Emily"), or Cormac McCarthy leaving quotation marks out of his novels, or Ernest Vincent Wright writing an entire novel (Gadsby) without using the letter e. Truth be told, I'm not fond of that kind of thing. 

But . . . what if it's not something too weird or too difficult? What if it's just writing a story in a new and different way, maybe venturing beyond your comfort zone, just to see if you can do it? (And maybe to keep from getting bored.) I doubt any of my stories will ever be written without paragraphs or quotation marks or upper-case letters--but there are some kinds of literary experimentation that are almost too tempting not to try.

So, here are a few of those. This is a list of my own attempts at experimental fiction, none of them too drastic and each one followed by an example:

- An entire story told backward, scene by scene, with the ending first and the beginning at the end. "The Midnight Child," Denim, Diamonds, and Death (Bouchercon 2019 anthology).

- A story that takes place within the span of one hour, using three different points of view: the first third is seen through the eyes of the antagonist, the second third the protagonist, the last third an onlooker. "An Hour at Finley's," Amazon Shorts.

- A story with three completely different cases and solutions within the same story. "The POD Squad" and "Scavenger Hunt," both at AHMM. 

- A story written with no dialogue at all. "Bennigan's Key," Strand Magazine.

- A story written using nothing but dialog--not even an attribute, like he said or she asked. "George on My Mind," completed (last week) but not yet submitted.

- A story with three equal parts, each from a different POV, each part beginning and ending with the same sentence. "Life Is Good," Passport to Murder (Bouchercon 2017 anthology).

- A story set entirely in one small, cramped location. "The Donovan Gang," AHMM (stagecoach), "The Red-Eye to Boston," Horror Library Vol. 6 (airplane), "The Winslow Tunnel" Amazon Shorts (passenger train), "Teamwork," AHMM (car), "Silent Partner," Crimestalker Casebook (rowboat), "Christmas Gifts," Reader's Break (elevator), "Merrill's Run," Mystery Weekly (car trunk). 

- A long, rhyming poem (256 lines) in story form. "Over the Mountains," Dreamland collection.

- A story whose title is the same as its length. "A Thousand Words," Pleiades.

- A story in letter form (epistolary). "The Home Front," Pebbles.

- A story told entirely in flashback: "Cargo," Black Cat Weekly.

- A story featuring only one character. "Windows," Land of 1000 Thrills (Bouchercon 2022 anthology).

- A story about a countdown, using a time (8:10, 8:14, 8:26, 8:27, etc.) as a title for every scene. "Twenty Minutes in Riverdale," Pulp Modern.

- A story about a historic event that's revealed only at the end (spoiler alert!): "Premonition," Pegasus Review (Lincoln's assassination); Stopover," T-Zero (Mount St. Helens); "Custom Design," Lines in the Sand (Noah's ark); "Partners," The Oak (the Alamo siege); "A Message for Private Kirby," Green's Magazine (Battle of the Little Bighorn); "A Place in History" Scifantastic (Pearl Harbor); "Tourist Trap," Pulp Modern Flash (Pompeii); "The Barlow Boys," Mystery Weekly (deaths of Bonnie and Clyde).

- A 26-word story in which each word begins with a different letter of the alphabet, in order. "Mission Ambushable," online contest. (I won!)

 

 - A story that references more than a dozen MacGuffins from other stories/movies. "Mayhem at the Mini-Mart," AHMM.

 

Have you tried any so-called experimental writing? Anything more challenging than my stellar efforts? (I would hope so.) How often have you done something like this? Did you find those stories/novels fun, or at least interesting, to write? Were any of them published? What are some types of experimental fiction that you've enjoyed reading?

And that's that. I'll be back in two weeks. Meanwhile, experimental or not--keep writing!

Five Favorite Markets

  

Much has been said at this blog lately, by me and others, about anthologies. We've talked about everything from submission calls to themes to editing to publication schedules. That's probably because there seem to be so many anthologies being produced these days--especially crime anthos. And because of that, as I have also mentioned before, I've been doing more writing for anthologies over the past few years than for magazines.  

But there are exceptions. At this moment, as luck would have it, I have short stories in the current issues of five magazines, and those particular markets have been among my favorites for a long time. I hope I've been good for them; I know they've been good to me.

Here they are, in no particular order:

 

1. Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine

One of the most pleasant surprises of my so-called literary career is the fact that I've been published fairly regularly in a magazine that I had read and enjoyed long before I started writing and submitting stories--and it was one of the first major publications to buy my stories, early on. My first sale to AHMM was a 1200-word short story called "Teamwork," in early 1996, bought by then-editor Cathleen Jordan--I think I ordered about two dozen extra copies and gave one to everybody I knew, including the mailman. Since then--mostly in the last ten years--I've sold AHMM a lot more stories, far less than those of my friends Rob Lopresti, R. T. Lawton, and Doug Allyn, but still enough to gladden my mystery-lover's heart. Probably because of the magazine's long response times, I don't submit as many stories to AHMM as I once did, but I still send them fairly often, and it's always a thrill when one is accepted.

My story in the current (Jan/Feb 2025) issue is called "The Cado Devil," an average-length short story that's almost all dialogue, set in the present-day Mississippi Delta. If you want details, here's a piece I did for AHMM's Trace Evidence blog that describes a little about the story. My next story, "Heading West," is scheduled for their May/June 2025 issue--it's about a young couple, a tornado, and a train robbery in the 1880s. Yes, the magazine does sometimes consider Westerns--I had another one published there a couple of years ago. As most of you know, AHMM's editor is Linda Landrigan, one of the kindest and most professional editors I've known.

2. Strand Magazine

My first sale to the Strand was in 1999, shortly after their "rebirth" here in the U.S.; the previous incarnation of Strand Magazine had been published in London for many years, featuring names like Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie. I've forgotten how and where I heard about the new Strand, but somehow I did, and snailmailed them a story called "The Proposal," about a Houston oil executive who'd hired a hitman to kill his wife. The editor contacted me by phone several weeks later to accept the story--it appeared in their second issue, and was the first of the many stories I've had published there. As I've mentioned before in discussions about markets and submissions, most of my Strand stories have been in the 3000- to 5000-word range, contain no otherworldly elements, feature more suspense than mystery, and are heavy on plot twists and reversals. (I'm not saying that's what everyone should aim for, but those things seem to have worked well for me.) So far, my Strand stories have been nominated for an Edgar, won two Derringer Awards, and were selected for three editions of the best-of-the-year mystery anthologies--so the magazine has been kind to me. Also, managing editor Andrew Gulli and fiction editor Lamia Gulli are a dream team to work with. Seriously.

My story in their current issue (#74, December 2024) is a 3200-word tale called "Lizzy in the Morning." It's set in the desert Southwest and includes a bank robbery, a scheming wife, a sneaky cop, a prison guard, an escaped convict, and long-buried loot. Again, as with almost all my Strand stories, it includes multiple surprises and has a plot that's more howdunit than whodunit. I hate it when I hear writers say a story "almost wrote itself," but this one did--it was great fun to put together.

3. Black Cat Mystery Magazine

I remember well the very first issue of BCMM, almost eight years ago--I loved the cover--and the magazine remains a quality publication. My first story for them was in that issue, a long (7600-word) Western called "Rooster Creek," one that I believe was submitted to then-editor Carla Coupe. In the years since then, one of my BCMM stories was selected for inclusion in Best American Mystery Stories and another won a Shamus Award, and for those honors I will always owe a debt both to BCMM and to editor Michael Bracken. The only thing tricky to remember about the magazine is that it's irregularly published and has a relatively short submission window, so I've always tried to have a story ready and waiting when those submission calls are announced. (Sometimes I can deliver, sometimes I can't.) At least one of my stories that was accepted by Black Cat Mystery Magazine was later diverted to the also-great Black Cat Weekly instead. More about BCW in a few minutes. 

My story in the current BCMM issue (#15) is "A Cold Day in Helena," a heist tale set in a snowstorm and told through the POV of one of two bank thieves--and it'll probably be no surprise to readers that the bad guys' carefully-planned robbery doesn't exactly go as expected. This serves as even more proof to writers--and to me--that the "complication" part of the problem/complication/resolution template is usually the most important of the three. If my records are correct, I have another story, "Ship Island," coming up soon at BCMM. One final note: As many of you know, Michael is an excellent and (thank goodness) patient editor.

4. Woman's World

Yep, WW is still around, and as long as it is, I plan to send them a story now and then. Usually a mini-mystery; I've had better luck there with mysteries than with romance stories, over the years (they publish one Solve-It-Yourself Mystery and one Five-Minute Romance in every weekly issue). I first sold WW a story in the spring of 1999, back when both the mysteries and the romances were a bit longer and paid a bit more than they do now, and I've been fortunate enough to be a more-or-less regular contributor ever since. Most of my Woman's World stories have been installments in a mystery series featuring a smart, bossy, retired schoolteacher and a not-so-smart but good-intentioned sheriff who was once her student in their small Southern town--she helps him solve mysteries whether she's invited to or not, and (not so helpfully) corrects his grammar in front of his deputies. One reader told me my Angela Potts/Chunky Jones stories remind him of a Mayberry in which Aunt Bee is always trying to tell Sheriff Taylor how to do his job. I hope that was a compliment, but I'm not sure.

My story in the current (February 3, 2025) issue is called "Sure as Shootin'," and it involves a farmer, a trick-shot artist, a preacher, a computer guru, a psychic, and of course a puzzle that needs solving. I haven't yet seen the issue but found a picture of the cover, which--as expected--features an attractive lady and a pointer to weight-loss secrets. Editors I can thank for my good fortune at this magazine (and I do, sincerely) are Sienna Sullivan, Maggie Dillard, Patricia Gaddis, and the long-retired but fantastic Johnene Granger.

 

5. Black Cat Weekly

Among all these print markets, there's an online magazine that's also close to my heart. Several years ago Wildside Press began a daunting venture: a weekly e-zine featuring stories of several different genres--and it's been a great success. My first story there was called "Debbie and Bernie and Belle," back in 2020, when it was known as Black Cat Mystery and Suspense Ebook Club. I believe it became Black Cat Weekly in 2021, and has included works not only from current writers but from some long-ago authors like Jack Ritchie (one of my all-time favorites). Another difference is that BCW features a mix of original stories and previously published works--something for everyone. (Not only do I have an original story in this week's issue, I'm scheduled to have a reprint in the one coming up next week--but that is, one might say, another story.) I'm sure a big reason for the magazine's success are the folks on the masthead: John Betancourt's the publisher and Barb Goffman and Michael Bracken are co-editors.

My short story in the current Black Cat Weekly (Issue #178) is sort of a weird Southern coming-of-age adventure/fantasy tale called "The Dark Woods." It involves a couple of schoolboys, Kevin Parker and Tommy Ward, who're planning a day at the movies, but Kevin's having to hang around for a while beforehand, waiting for his pal to finish his chores. During that time, Tommy's granddad tells Kevin a long and creepy story about one of the old man's childhood adventures, and, well, it turns out to be scary in more ways than one. This story, which at 2,000 words is pretty short, was a special treat for me to write because some of it really happened to me and one of my childhood friends when the two of us were wandering the backwoods one day on an ill-fated adventure of our own. (The true or almost-true stories are almost always the most fun to write.) 

What are some of the markets that you focus on first, with your story submissions? Are they the ones that have been the most receptive to your work in the past? Are they the ones you feel more "comfortable" submitting to, and maybe more optimistic about your chances? Do you have some magazines that are high on your target list simply because they present a challenge? (Personally, I like to submit stories to EQMM but I'm not as successful there as I'd like to be: half a dozen sales out of a zillion tries. Do you have similar mountains to climb?) Do you have a bucket list of magazines or other markets? (Mine includes Asimov's and Analog, although I have few hopes of ever actually selling them anything.) Do you find yourself writing to, and submitting stories for, more anthologies than magazines? Why? If you're in a confessional mood, let me know in the comments. 

And that's it--I'll be back in two weeks. Meanwhile, keep writing, keep warm, and keep sending out those stories. Good luck to all!

Writing, Reading, and Readings

 

Wondering what that title means? Well, the first two words are things I like to do. The third, I'm not so sure about. 

I feel guilty saying it (so I usually don't), but I don't much like readings. That's not always true, of course--I've been to many readings I enjoyed. Much of it depends on the author and the book, or the subject of the book. What often happens, though, especially at book launches, is that I gladly stand in line to buy the author's book and then I sit and listen to him or her read to the group from the book I just bought, the very one I plan to read for myself when I get home. To me, that's like buying a movie ticket, settling into your theater seat, and then seeing a lengthy excerpt from what you're about to watch.

I had much rather have the author use that time to talk about the book she's written, or how it was written, or what inspired it, or some of her views on her past writing or her writing experiences in general. Sometimes that happens also, but not always. What I probably enjoy the most is the question/answer session, if there is one. I don't usually ask questions myself, but I always seem to learn something from what others ask, and the responses by the author. 

Before you start thinking I'm a complete Grinch, I should say that I'm more likely to enjoy group readings, where several writers--some familiar, some not--read a short bit from their own stories or novels. In that case, I'm not usually sitting there listening to words that I myself plan to read later--unless I'm so impressed that I then rush out and purchase something by that author. One thing I especially like about group sessions is the fact that those readings are short. In my opinion, the one supreme rule about author readings is that they should be short.  

For me, that goes both ways. I also don't usually enjoy reading aloud from my own writing. I realize it's often required and expected, and I've certainly done it when asked to, and I'm always grateful to have been asked to--but truthfully, I'm not overly fond of the sound of my voice. I find it hard, at times, to read aloud with the feeling and expression that seem to come so easily to some folks. Another thing is, I think the fiction that I write, since it was written with the intention of being seen on the page, is harder to convey when it's heard, in spoken words. Especially the dialog. Unless, of course, it's delivered by someone talented enough to do it well. Some of my stories that have been read for podcasts and other such presentations by professional readers or actors have sounded good, at least to me.

In what I suppose is a contradiction, I do like talking to groups of any size about writing, whether it's my own or the writing of others. I guess it's fortunate that I enjoy it, because I taught night classes in the writing and marketing of short stories for seventeen years at a local college. The fact is, I've always been fascinated by the writing process, especially fiction writing. And other writers seem to be interested in that as well.

Having said all of the above, I did do a reading this past Wednesday, at a library several hours away. They showed me a kind and warm welcome and I had a great time--but it wasn't only a reading. It was more of a presentation about mystery writing and my short-story writing, with a question-and-answer session and a booksigning afterward. I did at one point read some things from my latest book because they asked me to, but that wasn't the way the event was promoted, and thankfully no one made faces or blew raspberries or threw tomatoes during that part. Probably because I made sure to keep it brief.

What are your thoughts on author readings? Do you enjoy hearing writers read aloud from their own work--I know a great many people do--or would you rather they just talked about other things? Have you ever sat there thinking Okay, time to finish this up? Do you like to read aloud to a group from your own stories or novels or poetry? Do you initiate that, or is it something you do mostly because you're expected to? Some of my writer friends are also accomplished actors, and I suspect they enjoy doing readings, and do a fine job of it. What are some of your rules and preferences on the subject? Do you always try to leave enough time for Q&A? Please let me know in the comments. And don't worry, I expect a lot of disagreement on this.

I also have a self-imposed rule about my SleuthSayers posts, and since I'm approaching that upper-wordcount limit, I'll obey that rule now.

Over and out.

Report Card for 2024

  

Whoa, another year gone. As usual, there were ups and downs, in life and in writing. Overall, I had a good time.

In what has become my custom, inspired mostly by laziness since it requires no creativity at all, I have put together some numbers from, and thoughts about, my so-called writing career (I hate the word journey) over the past year.

As it turned out, I wasn't as productive in 2024 as I was in the past three or four years. I'm not complaining--I sold a number of stories, and I feel fortunate every time one of mine is accepted OR published.  I once heard a smart writer say that it's the height of arrogance for any of us to expect the things we dream up in the middle of the night to be read and enjoyed by people we don't even know. I agree, and believe me, I'm counting my blessings.

Statistics

- I had 33 short stories published in 2024, and 46 more are upcoming, having been accepted but not yet released. That "upcoming" number is actually 28, because 18 of those 46 are stories that'll be included in a collection of my detective tales, which the publisher tells me is scheduled for mid- to late 2025. 

- I wrote 23 new stories in 2024, about the same as last year. Six of those have already been accepted and published; seven have been accepted but not yet published; eight have been sent out but haven't yet received a response; one hasn't yet been submitted anywhere; and one was submitted, rejected, and has not yet been re-deployed. (It will be, though, and soon.)

- I submitted 52 stories this year (an all-time low for me) and got 37 acceptances and 15 rejections. 

- I had 19 stories published in anthologies this year and 11 in magazines, a much wider gap than in previous years. I think the best way to explain that is to say that many of my accepted stories for anthologies will be appearing next year. Three more stories this year were published in animated form, in a market which I consider to be neither magazine nor anthology. (More on that later.)

- Again this year, almost all my published stories were mysteries as opposed to other genres--in fact, 32 of the 33 were straight mystery/crime or mixed-genre crime. The other story was sort of humor/mainstream. As for the mixed-genre stories, two were crime/fantasy and three were crime/Western.

Ten of my published stories in 2024 were reprints, mostly in places like Black Cat Weekly or best-of anthologies, The other 23 were original stories. (This is one of the reasons the math doesn't always work--some of my stories that appeared in markets like Black Cat Weekly, Best Mystery Stories of the Year, etc., weren't actually submitted. They were instead requested or otherwise accepted outside the submission process.)

Observations

- As usual, most of my published stories appeared in AHMM, Strand Magazine, Mystery Magazine, Woman's World, Black Cat Weekly, and Black Cat Mystery Magazine. Also, three stories appeared in Storiaverse, which was a new animated concept but seems to have worked well.

- On the unusual side, I had only one private-eye story published this year, in the Strand. Eleven more PI stories have been accepted, though, and are awaiting publication.

- As in the past two years, I wrote more average-length to long stories in 2024 than very short stories. That'll probably be the case next year also, since (1) I'm writing fewer mini-mysteries for Woman's World and (2) Mystery Magazine recently (and sadly) put all four feet in the air. 

- For the second year in a row, I was fortunate enough to have a story in every issue of Strand Magazine. My story "Lizzy in the Morning," published earlier this month, marked my seventh straight story in that magazine. (And I have probably jinxed that streak by mentioning it here.) 

- Six of my published stories this year were installments from several of my mystery series. The rest were standalone stories.

- For maybe the first year since I started writing, I didn't dig out and rework any old and dusty stories that I gave up on long ago. In looking back over those half-finished efforts, I found that many were simply too bad to revisit and reconstruct. 

- Only two of my 2024 stories were set outside the U.S., and only two (not the same two) were published outside the U.S.

- Big difference, here, from last year: only about one-third of my published stories could be considered lighthearted and easygoing. The rest were more serious, and a bit violent. I think I've been watching too many of those cable series.

- Another difference: 16 of my 33 published stories were set in places outside the American South. I like writing Southern stories because I grew up here and live here and I know the geography and the people and the culture, but this year half the tales that popped into my head just happened to be set elsewhere, and relocating them wouldn't have worked. I also didn't write as many Westerns this year, for some reason.

- On a happy note, one of my stories won a 2024 Derringer Award for Best Short Story and was also selected for publication in both Best Mystery Stories of the Year 2024 and Best Crime Stories 2024 (UK).

Questions for you:

Have you noticed any trends this past year in your story writing (or, for that matter, reading)? Are they about the same length, content, genre, etc.? Any venturing out of your comfort zone, with your submissions? Are you targeting the same markets, or branching out a bit? Any surprises? Please let me know, in the comments section.

As always, I hope your holidays were happy, and I wish all you--writers and non-writers alike--a healthy and prosperous new year.

Back in two weeks . . .

Here It Comes, Ready or Not

 

I have often been asked, over the years, for advice on how to submit short stories to publications--mostly magazines. I don't know how helpful that's been, but I've always tried to deliver honest guidance, and the only reason I feel qualified to advise at all is that I've submitted a lot of stories and I've done some of it the wrong way.

The truth is, in the old days it was much harder to submit stories to editors and much easier to make a submission mistake. I can recall forgetting to sign my name on cover letters, leaving pages out of manuscripts, not putting enough postage on envelopes, binding the pages the wrong way, using the wrong kinds of envelopes, forgetting to enclose cover letters, and forgetting to enclose SASEs (remember those?). I once put together a neat submission, packed it all into one of those 9 x 12 envelopes, and then forgot to mail it. My wife found it under some papers in the back seat a month later.

But even in our modern, electronic world, you (I should say I) can still make submission mistakes. One of the worst, of course, is an error in the story itself. Some of those are minor (misspellings, typos, punctuation errors, etc.) and some are major (plot holes, factual mistakes, unintended POV switches, etc.). All are embarrassing, and are a good reason to try harder in the future to proofread, proofread, proofread before sending a story off into the hard and competitive world.

It's something that's especially important to me because one of my so-called rules for the submission process is to not read a story again after I've sent it off to the publication. After I hit SEND to dispatch my emailed submission to an editor, I try to forget that story, and I mean completely forget it, until I receive a response. If the eventual response is a rejection, fine--I then re-read the story, make any changes that I think are needed, and submit it elsewhere. If the response is an acceptance, I usually also re-read the story. But--I'll say it again--I don't re-read the story while it's out for consideration. I erase it from my mind and start working on another one.

Now, consider this. What if ignore that advice, and decide to take another look at your story after submitting it? Hopefully you won't find any mistakes, but . . . what if you do?

If the error is really minor, I would let it go. Everybody makes mistakes now and then. Make a note of it to yourself if you want to, but do nothing more. Don't contact the editor. Go back mentally to the point when you emailed the submission and think no more about the story until you receive a response. 

But what if it's a major mistake, like one of those I mentioned earlier? What if you re-read the story while it's in transit or under consideration and find that action B cannot logically follow action A in your plot? What if the geography's wrong, or the timeline is wrong, or the hero knows things he couldn't possibly know, or the device your character used in your historical mystery hasn't been invented yet? Or maybe Janet Bradley on page 2 has changed to Janice Brady on pages 4 through 10. After you slap your forehead and spew a few words that shock both your family and your dog, what do you do?

That's happened to me. (Well, except for the dog.) In my case, it was an error in a fact that I just hadn't researched as well as I should've. It not only made my plot look stupid, it made me look stupid. I still remember thinking Did I actually write that? But I did. And I submitted it to a magazine, only a few days earlier.

What happened then was, I reluctantly send a followup email to the editor, one I thankfully knew, and I told her I'd screwed up a story I'd sent and would like to resubmit a corrected version of that manuscript. She was kind enough to allow me to do that (she probably hadn't read the botched submission yet)--but even so, I suspect my request annoyed her. And annoying editors doesn't top anyone's list of smart things to do.  

But what if I had found the mistake and hadn't sent the followup note? One of three things might've happened, and they're the same things that might've happened if I hadn't found the mistake: (1) the story could've been (deservedly) rejected; (2) the story could've been (undeservedly) accepted, after which the editor would probably have corrected the mistake or asked me to correct it; or (3) the story could've been accepted and published with the mistake intact. And believe me, that can happen as well.

Anyhow, it has become my practice to submit a story and then leave it alone until I get a response. Call me irresponsible, call me unreliable, but that's my policy. I make sure my submission is written as well as I can write it, I send it off, and I forget it. My reason is, if you re-read it and don't find any mistakes, you've wasted your time. And if you re-read it and do find a mistake, you either alert the editor or you don't. If you don't, you'll probably still worry about it for the next few weeks or months, and if you do alert the editor, you run the risk of irritating her and could be wasting your time anyway, because the acceptance/rejection outcome might be the same. Bottom line: I'm not convinced that finding an error once the bird has flown does anyone any good.

One more thing. I think my decision to not look at a story again after it's submitted has made me a more careful writer. It's forced me to look a lot harder at the story beforehand. 

So here's the question. What's your policy? Do you forget your stories after they've been submitted for consideration? Do you re-read them after submission but before you've received a response? Have you ever found a gastric-distressable error at that point? If so, what did you do about it, besides Maalox? Did you contact the editor, and if so, how'd that go? Was the story accepted or rejected anyway? Have you ever made story mistakes, small or large, that somehow got past all the guards and found their way undetected into print? (I wish I hadn't--they don't stay undetected long.) Come on, be honest. Confession's good for the soul.

Meanwhile, keep writing the best stories you can, check them carefully, and send 'em in. Some of them will surprise you, and actually make something of themselves in the world.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Caddyshack 2? Seriously?

  

I like movies. In fact I love 'em, and have probably helped keep several local theaters in business over the years. These days, my movie watching is mostly on the small screen, but between the many DVDs I own and the many movies out there and available for streaming (for me, it's mostly Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Apple TV Plus), there aren't many I want to see that I haven't seen.

But . . . I also watch more than my share of bad movies. Oddly enough--or maybe not so oddly--a lot of those movie disappointments have been sequels. I can't think of many novel sequels I didn't like --Scarlett does come to mind, along with The Death Cure and Go Set a Watchman--but there were many, many movie sequels that fell short. Some of them short by a long way.

In my defense, why would I not look forward to moviemakers' attempts to follow up on classics like Rocky, Jaws, The Magnificent Seven, Wall Street, Saturday Night Fever, The Sting, Get Shorty, Halloween, Speed, Poltergeist, The Exorcist, The Man from Snowy River, Crocodile Dundee, Romancing the Stone, Under Siege, Escape from New York, Airplane!, City Slickers, Our Man Flint, Dirty Harry, etc.? But every single one of the sequels to those twenty movies (at least in my opinion) fell flat.

There are, though, exceptions.

Here are a dozen movie sequels that I think were as good, and in come cases better, than the originals. I ranked them from 1 to 12 because that makes it sound like I know what I'm doing, with #1 being the best. 

NOTE: I'm referring here to first sequels, not Rocky 4 or Die Hard 5, etc. Almost all of those after-the-second-sequels are terrible. The only more distant sequels that come to mind that weren't bad were Back to the Future III; Goldfinger; Return of the Jedi; The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly; the third Indiana Jones (The Last Crusade); the third Lord of the Rings (The Return of the King); and the fourth Mad Max (Fury Road). I liked all of those.

Anyhow, here's my list of (what I think are) watchable sequels:

12. A Shot in the Dark (1964) -- Not as famous as the original, but it's a better movie. And the best of the Pink Panther series. Still funny, sixty years later.

11. Spider-Man 2 (2004) -- At least as well done as the original, and the love-story part of the movie might be even better. Great villain, too--hard to believe he's the same guy who threw the idol (not the whip) to Indiana Jones, in Raiders.

10. The Road Warrior (1981) -- I think everything about The Road Warrior was better than Mad Max--and I liked Mad Max. The last twenty minutes of the sequel is crazy but fun, and nonstop action.

9. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) -- A vast improvement over the first movie. Good plot, good suspense, good villain (Ricardo Montalban with a blond shag hairdo--if that doesn't creep you out, nothing will.)

8. Superman II (1980) -- Maybe not better than the original, but every bit as good. It was also the last quality movie in this series--from there on, Supe ran downhill. 

7. The Empire Strikes Back (1980) -- At least as well done, possibly better, than the first Star Wars. Better acting, cool plot lines, better special effects.

6. From Russia with Love (1963) -- This was the fifth Bond book but the second movie, and--like the first one--it stuck closely to the novel, which helped. As in the Star Wars and Superman franchises, the first few installments were the best. 

5. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) -- Again, an improvement on an already good original. One of James Cameron's best movies, and that's saying a lot.

4. For a Few Dollars More (1965) -- As much as I liked the first of Eastwood's spaghetti Westerns (A Fistful of Dollars), this one's better. The music, the plot, everything, plus Lee Van Cleef. Even non-Western fans have told me they love this movie.

3. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) -- The original, believe it or not, didn't feature Anthony Hopkins as Dr. Lecter. It was Manhunter, which was okay but not as good as its sequel. Lambs won, deservedly, the top four Oscars that year (Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Director), plus three more.

2. Godfather II (1974) -- It's as good as the original, which was wonderful. I think this was the first movie sequel to win Best Picture.

1. Aliens (1986) -- Not only does this one top my list, it was the best of the Alien franchise and one of the best movies I've ever seen. Watch it sometime, if you haven't already.

Possible runners-up: The Gods Must Be Crazy II, Top Gun: Maverick; Catching Fire. Toy Story 2.

Once again, this is my opinion and mine only--and yes, Liz Zelvin, I realize most of these are "guy" movies. My apologies--although you must admit both Silence of the Lambs and Aliens had great female protagonists. Don't forget, I also loved Somewhere in Time, which--though it wasn't a sequel--was a romantic fantasy and had no shootouts at all. (There's hope for me yet.)

As for recent sequels, I watched Twisters the other night, and I understand the sequel to Gladiator was released a couple of weeks ago. I confess I was disappointed in Twisters, and I also don't have the highest of hopes for Gladiator 2. What I do hope is that no one tries to make a sequel to Galaxy Quest, The Shawshank Redemption, The Big Country, Body Heat, Reservoir Dogs, The Rocketeer, Once Upon a Time in the West, L.A. Confidential, Medicine Man, Casablanca, Forrest Gump, No Country for Old Men, Raising Arizona, Signs, The Big Lebowski, Witness, Shane, Dances with Wolves, 12 Angry Men, and so on. If they do, there'll be at least 1 angry man. Just leave those originals alone.

Now . . . What do you think, about all this? Have you seen any truly terrible, barf-baggable sequels? Any that you had high hopes for, beforehand? Any good ones? Which ones did I leave out? Do you disagree with some (or most) that I picked? How about novel sequels? Let me know, in the comments below. Inquiring minds want to inquire . . .

Next time, back to mystery fiction. I promise.

Blink Fiction

 

Some time ago, a non-writer friend asked me about the term flash fiction. Specifically, how long or short does it have to be? I gave her what I suppose is the most generally-accepted answer: 1000 words or less. Some say 1500, some say 500--but I know 1000 is the upper limit for the flash category of the Derringer Awards, given annually by the Short Mystery Fiction Society.

I also told her that stories of that length aren't only common--they're popular. Their brevity is the very reason many readers like them. Marketingwise, there are some publications, like Woman's World, that use only flash stories, and most magazines that publish "regular" short fiction will also consider them. I can remember when submission guidelines for even the big publications usually said "also publishes short shorts," which is what flash fiction was once called.

But what if stories are very, very short? One of my published stories--"Tourist Trap," which was probably more fun to write than any other I can remember--was 400 words. If you want to read that story (it takes about a minute and a half), it's posted here. And a place called Punk Noir published a story of mine called "Retirement Plan" a few months ago that was exactly 200 words, here. What, you might ask, are those called? Short-short-short stories? Blink stories?

If you really want blink fiction, consider the following. (I think I've written about this before, either here or at Criminal Brief.) Here's the background:

I once saw a submission call for what I thought was a cool fiction contest. They wanted 26-word stories, and every word in the story had to start with a different letter of the alphabet, in order. There was only one gimme: The letter X, thankfully, could be considered Ex. I should mention, here, that I usually hate contests, and I never enter them--but this one had no entry fee and was super intriguing, so why not? By way of practice, I wrote seven different alphabetized 26-worders, which I fully realize were not examples of fine literature. If you need proof of that, here are four of those seven attempts:

1. Alameda Books Corporation. Dear Editor: Findings gathered here include John Kennedy's lost manuscript. No other publishers quickly responded, so this unsubmitted volume will Xcite you. Zimmerman. 

2. All Balkan country doctors exhibit friendliness, generosity, helpful inclinations, jovial kindness, likability, modest nature. Oddly, physicians quite rarely seem to understand video work. Xample: Yuri Zhivago. 

3. A British chemist detected evidence featuring green horses, indigo jackasses, khaki-like mules, nags occasionally painted quirky red shades. Therefore, unbiased veterinarians will Xamine yellow Zebras.

4. A baboon cage, discovered empty. Facility gurus hired investigator JoNell Kendrix. "Lost monkeys," Nell observed. "Possible quick reasons: sabotage, theft, utter villainy. Who, Xactly? You, zookeeper!" 

You might've decided by now a baboon cage is where I belong--but I did warn you. Equally silly is the story I finally decided to submit to the contest--I titled it "Mission Ambushable." But--picture Professor Brown screaming "Great Scott!"--it actually won. The prize was a $30 Amazon gift card, which I used about thirty seconds after they gave it to me. For what it's worth, here's that story:

Assassin Bob Carter deftly eased forward, gun hidden in jacket, keeping low, making not one peep. Quietly Robert said, to unaware victim: "Welcome. Expected you." ZAP.

Okay, enough of that. I've given you examples of some very short stories, but . . . What? You want something even shorter? How about six words?

A few years ago I found out about a competition for six-word stories inspired by this famous little ditty: For sale: baby shoes, never worn. That was supposedly written by Hemingway, but Wikipedia says it first appeared in 1906, when Papa Ernest was seven years old, so don't believe everything you're told on the Internet. Nobody knows who came up with it. 

Long story short, I once again broke my no-contests rule. The six-worder I submitted was titled "Radio Silence":

Entering Bermuda Triangle. No problems whatsoev-- 

Alas, that masterpiece won nothing. I never even got a response from the contest people. I choose to believe that either (1) my submission fell behind the refrigerator or (2) they published my story someplace far away, to wide acclaim.

Here are a few other six-word stories, from Quirk Books. All of them are better than mine:

Ever early, he died too soon.

For sale: writer's notebook. Never opened.

Revolutions existed long before the wheel.

Clown nose broken. It's not funny.

And, to sum up this discussion of six-word stories, consider this one, which I did write:

Get real. These aren't really stories.

So. Here are my questions for you. What do you think of flash, and even subflash, fiction? Have you ever tried writing it? Any successes? (I recall my buddy Josh Pachter winning a Derringer for a flash story a couple of years ago.) Any interesting rejections? Do you think writing them is hard? Fun? A waste of time? Do you like to read very short stories? What do you think the upper flash limit, in word count, should be? Have you ever written a flash story and then turned it into something longer?

It occurs to me that there's been nothing flash about the length of this post--so I'll fix that right now.

See you next Saturday. 

  

Going Golden, Committing Capers, and Getting Cozy

We've been talking quite a bit at this blog about writing stories for anthologies--mostly mystery/crime anthologies. It's easy to see why: there have been a lot of them out there, recently.

I think writing for mystery anthologies is fun, for several reasons: (1) most of them have a challenging theme (besides just crime), (2) they often contain stories by other familiar names, so it's sort of a party, and (3) there do indeed seem to be more markets for them, at the moment, than for magazines. Besides, as a writer friend once said to me, anthologies are real books, that you can put up on your shelf and look at from time to time. I still love the magazines, and send stories to them regularly--but not as often as I once did.

As luck would have it, several crime anthologies containing my stories have been published in the past couple of weeks, and two of those--Shamus and Anthony Commit Capers and Agatha and Derringer Get Cozy--were edited by the same dynamic duo: Andrew McAleer and Gay Toltl Kinman. In fact, the McAleer/Kinman team has, to my knowledge at least, edited three "awards-based" anthologies, and I've been fortunate enough to have stories in all of them. Here's some info about all three of those books:

Edgar and Shamus Go Golden: Twelve Tales of Murder, Mystery, and Master Detection from the Golden Age of Mystery and Beyond (Down & Out Books), edited by Andrew McAleer and Gay Toltl Kinman and published two years ago, on December 5, 2022. 

This was a book of original stories by writers who had won, in the past, either an Edgar Award (presented by Mystery Writers of America) or a Shamus Award (Private Eye Writers of America). Contributors were me, Doug Allyn, Lori Armstrong, O'Neil De Noux, Brendan DuBois, Martin Edwards, Carolina Garcia-Aguilera, Kristen Lepionka, Lia Matera, John McAleer, P. J. Parrish, and Art Taylor.

My story was called "Old Money," and featured a New Orleans private eye named Luke Walker. (This was Luke's first appearance, but I later put him to work in two more stories.) This one is set in 1940s Natchez, Mississippi, where Walker goes to investigate the mysterious death of a reclusive millionaire and the possibility that Walker's young client from New Orleans might be the only heir to the old man's fortune. It's actually a couple of different mysteries in one story, which is something I like to do now and then if possible, and it was especially fun to write because (1) Natchez has such an interesting history and (2) I'm familiar with most of its streets, landmarks, etc.

Shamus and Anthony Commit Capers: Ten Tales of Criminals, Crooks, and Culprits (Level Best Books), again edited by Andrew McAleer and Gay Kinman, published November 5, 2024. 

I haven't yet held this book in my hands, but I think its cover is one of the best I've seen in a long time. This is another anthology of original stories by past award winners, this time of the Shamus Award and/or the Anthony Award. Contributors: me, Lori Armstrong, Libby Cudmore, Carolina Garcia-Aguilera, Marcia Muller, Bill Pronzini, Verena Rose, John Shepphird, Shawn Reilly Simmons, and Marcia Talley.

My story, "Skeeter Done Shot Billy Bob," doesn't involve a detective, just a large contingent of the required criminals, crooks, and culprits. It also involves a heist, and not a usual one at that. A group of wannabe gangsters is trying to steal back a bag of diamonds that was taken from them, which they'd stolen earlier in order to repay a debt to yet another--and far more deadly--gang. And of course time is running out and very little of what they try goes as planned. (Billy Bob Kelso, who has done got shot, would agree.)

Of the three stories, this was probably the most fun to write, and a bit different from most of my stories because in this case the idea for its title came before the idea for the story. Matter of fact, the title came verbatim from a dead-serious but weirdly funny statement I heard in a TV news interview, from a witness to a local shooting--although I changed the names to protect the guilty. It's strange, sometimes, the way these things happen.

Agatha and Derringer Get Cozy: Thirteen Tales of Murder, Mystery, and Master Detection (Down & Out Books), the third anthology edited by Andy and Gay, published November 11, 2024.

I also love the cover of this one, and I understand Shawn Reilly Simmons designed it and the one for the Shamus/Anthony anthology. (Great job, Shawn!) Once again this is a book of original stories, not reprints, by past winners of--this time--either the Agatha or the Derringer. True to its title, these stories are (or at least mine is) more lighthearted than gritty, and feature crimes that take place mostly off-screen. Contributors, besides me: Barb Goffman, Tara Laskowski, B. V. Lawson, Robert Lopresti, Kris Neri, Alan Orloff, Josh Pachter, Stephen D. Rogers, Shawn Reilly Simmons, Marcia Talley, Art Taylor, and Stacy Woodson.

In my story, "Sunlight and Shadows," I used two characters that have now appeared more than eighty times in other publications: a retired teacher (and amateur sleuth) named Frances Valentine and her daughter Lucy, who is also the sheriff of their small Southern town. In this story, Fran travels to San Francisco to visit her cousin, a journalist who happens to be covering a local murder investigation--and while Fran's there, Lucy is wrestling with a church-office robbery back home. Through several phone calls, Fran helps her sheriff daughter deal with her case while also butting in on the California investigation. Like "Old Money," this is sort of two mysteries in the same story, one dealing with big-city homicide and one with small-town theft, and of course my two heroes (heroines?) manage to solve both.

In closing, I hope you'll check out all three anthologies. Andy and Gay did an outstanding job. (I like reprint anthologies, but there's something extra special about anthos that feature all original stories, written specifically for those projects.) Again, the last two of these books just came out and are available now at Amazon, the publishers' sites, etc.

And that's that. See you on the 30th. 

Have a great Thanksgiving!

For You and Me and I

  

I should probably apologize ahead of time, because this post is a complaint, and I learned long ago that nobody likes complaints. My mom's usual reply to grumbles like "Are we having peas again?" was "There are children starving in India," and when I was stupid enough to say something like "I'm bored," Dad always replied, "Oh, I can find you something to do." Having now grown old, I still complain, but my wife has become so used to it she pays no attention.

My complaint here, though, isn't about aches or pains or the weather. This one involves grammar, and language. Here it is: 

I'm tired of people saying "for you and I" or "of you and I" or "to you and I" or "from you and I," etc. To phrase it as my high-school English teacher would've, you shouldn't use a subject pronoun when it's an object, and specifically a subject pronoun after a preposition. And it happens a lot.

I think I know why. Throughout childhood, we're taught not to say "Susie and me met at the park" or "Bob and me are going fishing" or "Dad and me like movies." It's supposed to be Susie and I, Bob and I, Dad and I. So when we have the need to say or write things like "They were shouting at Jane and me," we're tempted to substitute I for me, and say "They were shouting at Jane and I." Which is wrong.

What really bothers me is when this grammatical crime is committed by people who should know better. If the farmer being interviewed on TV after his barn's blown away says "And a dern tree almost landed on Stella and I," I don't mind that a bit. Not only has the man had a hard day, he's just a regular guy. But if the reporter who's interviewing him makes that kind of mistake, that's another matter. And believe me, I've heard this kind of screwup by politicians, news anchors, teachers, talk-show hosts, pastors, and salesmen, all of whom supposedly received an education and are now paid to get up in front of others and speak. That's their job.

NOTE: As most of you already know, the handy test for which pronoun is correct ("I'm rooting for you and me" or "I'm rooting for you and I") is to change the sentence a bit and say "I'm rooting for you and for ____." The answer's obviously for me, not for I, and if you say it aloud you immediately see that.

It especially irks me to see this mistake--a subject pronoun used instead of an object pronoun--in writing. The most common crime scenes, I think, are Facebook posts and Amazon product reviews. As a fiction writer, I don't mind (mis)using it in dialog because that's my character talking, but I wouldn't want to goof up that way in the rest of my story. Thankfully, we don't see it often in published works.

But it has happened. I can remember the me/I error occurring in both a song and a play. The song was "Hungry Eyes," by Eric Carmen, who at one point feels "the magic between you and I." (I like the song, but I guess me didn't fill the bill, in terms of rhyming.) And the play was The Merchant of Venice, in which one of the characters says something like "All debts are cleared between you and I." Even when the author is Shakespeare his ownself, between is still a preposition and the sentence is still wrong.

I saw a "don't" list long ago, when I first started writing for publication, of the seven worst grammatical mistakes. I can't recall all of them, but it included things like its/it's, lay/lie, less/fewer, etc. And high on the list was for you and I. This was almost thirty years ago, and I suspect that mistake would still be a top contender.

Question: Is this particular misuse irritating to anyone else? Do you tend to shrug it off, instead? As a writer, I make plenty of grammatical errors myself, so I'm not sure why this one bothers me so. (I wasn't even an English major--I graduated in electrical engineering.) But it does.

In closing, and in recognition of the fact that we should all complain less and be more tolerant of things we don't like, here's a piece of particularly elegant poetry:

If you must say "Between you and I,"

I won't stop you--I won't even try.

So just say it; feel free,

But don't say it to me

Or I'll shoot you and leave you to die.

Okay, I'm kidding--I wouldn't do that. But, like the hungry-eyed songwriter, I needed something that rhymed.

See you in two weeks.

Adventures in Strandland

Three things prompted me to write this column today. One was a kind email last week from a writer in the Balkans saying he had read one of my SleuthSayers posts about mystery markets and asking if I had any updated advice about those, the second was a conversation I had the other day with old friend Rob Lopresti about mystery publications, and the third was the recent announcement that the wonderful Mystery Magazine was calling it quits.

All this got me to thinking about how relatively few mystery markets are still out there these days, and which of those have been the most helpful to me, over the years. Now that Mystery Magazine is no more, those are (again, in my case) AHMM, EQMM, Strand Magazine, Black Cat Mystery Magazine, Black Cat Weekly, Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine, and (if you consider them a mystery market) Woman's World. For that matter, Black Cat Weekly isn't solely a mystery magazine either, but that's what almost all my BCW stories have been.

Which brings us, in a roundabout way, to today's post. A few weeks ago, my story "Welcome to Armadillo" was published in the new issue of Strand Magazine. It's a private eye story, but a bit different, in several ways. For one thing, my PI spends far more time in this story running from killers than he does in detecting anything, although the skills of his job do help him to survive the tale. Another thing is, one of the people intent on killing him is his own wife. (Have you noticed that very few fictional private detectives are happily married?) Also, though I guess it doesn't matter, this particular guy is new, and not one of my series PIs. 

Much of the fun I had in writing this story came from the four or five major plot reversals that happen in the course of the story and from a number of characters I grew to like so much I hated to leave them when I wrote END. The story features betrayals, shootings, stabbings, marital infidelity, political corruption, a bomb threat, a cross-country bus ride, killers for hire, rattlesnakes, drug trafficking, a birthday celebration, a jailbird bent on revenge, a guy abandoned in the middle of the desert, and a roadside cafe. (For some reason, several of my recent stories have featured diners and other restaurants; never let it be said that I allow my hardworking characters to go hungry.) 

This story also marked sort of a "first" for me: This was my sixth story in a row to be published by the Strand. I'm not sure I've ever had stories in six consecutive issues of a magazine before, and I would like to think this is the beginning of a trend. With most of the magazines I submit stories to, I'm more accustomed to having half a dozen issues published in a row without one of my stories in them. So I'm enjoying that while I can.

My other most recent publication was a short story that had appeared in Best Mystery Stories of the Year 2024 and then showed up a week or two ago in that anthology's UK edition Best Crime Stories of the Year. That story, "Last Day at the Jackrabbit," also has ties to Strand Magazine--it first appeared in their Spring 2023 issue.

Back on the subject of current mystery markets, I would encourage you to try submitting to them all, including some that I didn't list. I often find that a story rejected at one market can later be accepted at one of the others. I'll close with two tips: (1) don't spend too much time trying to make sense of the selection process--that way lies madness--and (2) don't worry if your story isn't a traditional whodunit mystery. Very few of mine are. If your story contains a crime, that's all you need, for these markets. 

Questions: If you're a short-story writer, which mystery magazines do you submit to most often? Which ones do you tend to try first, second, third, etc.? Which magazines have proven to be the best match for the kind of stories you write? Do you--as I do--find yourself writing less for magazines nowadays, and more for anthologies? I welcome you to share your experiences and thoughts on all this, in the comments.

Meanwhile, keep writing!

The Rules of Dialog (Good and Bad)

  

I love writing--and reading--short stories. Almost everything about writing them is fun for me, though the things I most enjoy are the plotting and the dialog. For that reason, I'm often surprised to hear others (novelists, too) say they find those two things to be the hardest.

Easy or hard, plotting's a subject for another time. Today I'd like to rant awhile about what the characters say to each other, and how we convey it to the reader.

As for the title of this post, I think most advice about writing dialog is accurate and helpful--but not all of it.

Consider the following twelve points:

1. Some writing instructors urge their students to avoid the use of dialog attributes ("tags" like Joe said, Jane asked, etc.) unless absolutely necessary to identify a speaker. I agree to some extent, because ideally we should write dialog such that the dialog itself makes it clear who's speaking. But you can't take that to extremes. I've read a lot of student manuscripts, and several published stories, in which the writers were obviously going out of their way to treat dialog tags as if they were Kryptonite, to the detriment of the story. That total avoidance of tags, to me, was as distracting as using too many.

Even though I agree that dialog tags are mainly to identify the speaker, they can also be used for other purposes. 

- A he said/she said can serve as a way to change the subject in mid-speech. Example: "I'll sure be glad when this week is over," she said. "How's your dad doing?" 

- It can be used to isolate and put extra emphasis on a final sentence. Example: "I'll just tell you one thing," she said. "Don't trust him too much."

- It can create a needed break or pause, just to help the common-sense rhythm of a sentence or paragraph. "I coulda had class," he said. "I coulda been a contender."

2. I've heard writers say they dislike using the word said, to the degree that they usually substitute a synonym. I think that's wrong. I used to tell my writing students to remember that dialog tags such as he said and he asked (and maybe she replied) are so common that they've almost become transparent; the reader's eye goes right over them, while expressions like he exclaimed, she inquired, he interjected, etc., can interrupt the flow and distract the reader for a moment from the story, which is something no writer wants to do. (This is why Elmore Leonard famously advised writers to "never use a synonym for said," although I don't quite agree on "never.") Adding to the problem, tags like she explained, he insisted, she inquired, and he retorted are repetitive--the dialog itself should tell the reader whether someone is explaining or insisting or inquiring or retorting. 

Read, or re-read, Lonesome Dove sometime. Larry McMurtry used said constantly, regardless of whether an identifier was needed. If I weren't a writer, I would never even have noticed it. Not only was it not distracting, the book won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.

3. In a nutshell, (1) don't feel you have to use a dialog tag if it's clear who's speaking, (2) don't overuse possibly-distracting synonyms for said, (3) don't worry about repeating said or asked too many times, and (4) do use a dialog attribute or an embedded name if there is any question at all about who is speaking. Readers hate to have to count lines backward to identify who's saying what. (And yes, I know I shouldn't complain about repetition--there was plenty of it in this little summary.)

4. Here's something that's rarely mentioned but can be helpful: It's usually better, especially in informal writing, to place the name or pronoun first (Mary said instead of said Mary). The only times I find myself putting the name last is when I need to add some kind of phrase afterward, in the same sentence. Example: "I'm leaving," said Mary, putting on her hat and coat. 

5. I've seen beginning writers, in their efforts to avoid dialog tags, overuse characters' names in back-and-forth dialog between two people. "Hi, Tom, what's up?" "Not much, Jimmy. Taking a trip tomorrow." "Where to, Tom?" "Well, Jimmy, we're headed for the mountains this time." That's an exaggeration, but not by much--and people obviously don't talk this way. Same thing goes for the use of contractions. Nobody speaks like this: "I think I will go see Bill. I am sure he is fine, but since his wife is away, I will go check." Instead they use contractions like I'll and I'm and he's and wife's. If you read your dialog aloud afterward, you'll be able to spot problems like this right away.

6. To again paraphrase Mr. Leonard, try to avoid the use of "ly" adverbs. If the dialog's written well, it probably won't need adverbs after the tags (he said softly, she asked sadly, he replied angrily) to prop it up. And silly repetition can come into play here as well, if you write something like he whispered softly, she moaned sadly, he growled angrily.

7. Since I've already mentioned formal vs. informal, the use of semicolons in dialog can make the writing appear stiff and formal even if that's not your intention. I use far fewer semicolons than I once did, in all kinds of writing, and I never use them in dialog. Dashes, by the way, can be good substitutes for semicolons.

8. Something I do a lot in dialog is indicate interrupted speech. If it's an abrupt interruption and not a "trailing off," the best way to do this is to end the sentence with a dash (not a set of ellipses). Example: 

"What do you think you're--"

"You know very well what I'm doing."

It's especially effective because interruption happens so often when we speak to each other in real life.

9. Feel free to fragment sentences whenever necessary, in dialog. One trick I think I've mentioned before at this blog is to delete certain words, especially at the beginning of some sentences, to make the dialog sound more like the way we actually speak. Here's an example:

Original sentence: "Do you want to go see a movie?"

Better: "You want to go see a movie?"

Even better: "Want to go see a movie?"

10. Be careful about using dialect. The key, I think, is to ask yourself if it's really necessary. And if you do try to write dialect, remember that many editors hate intentionally misspelled words (sho nuff, etc.)--I've found those sometimes work if you don't do it too often. A better idea is to occasionally use slang or regional or ethnic expressions or change real sentences around a bit: (Where you think you headed? or You got mush in your ears? or Daisy says Jimbo has done shot Charlie or You best get over here, and quick.)

11. An ironclad dialog rule that often gets overlooked: Do not include closing quotation marks at the end of a paragraph in a speech that resumes in the next paragraph if the same person is speaking. A correct example: 

John said, into the microphone, "Thank you so much, Councilman Smith, for that fine presentation. We all appreciate your taking the time to visit us today.

"Our final guest is Dr. Susan Jones from the Carter Foundation. Please join me in welcoming her."

I still see this misused, probably by accident, in many published works, and I always find myself wondering if it was a typo or if the author and/or editor just didn't know better.

12. Try, when you can, to use what Sol Stein called "oblique" dialog. In other words, introduce something unexpected--have people reply in a way that doesn't answer a question or brings up new questions or changes direction in some way. Examples:

"Hey. How you doin'?"

"Wow--I sure didn't expect to see you here."

"What have you been up to?"

"Oh. You haven't heard?"

"Where you going today?"

"Believe me, you don't want to know."

"Looks like it's beginning to rain."

"What do you suggest?"

12. Last but not least, try not to construct paragraphs of dialog that look too much alike. Example:

"We're ready to go," John said. "You coming?'

"Hang on," Judy called. "I'm in the bathroom."

"Well, hurry up," Bob said. "We're already late."

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she said. "Good grief."

That kind of writing looks and sounds amateurish. You need some tags here to ID the speakers, yes, but maybe some of those tags could be deleted or moved to the end of the paragraph instead of being in the middle--or maybe some beats of action could be plugged in. Example:

John picked up his car keys. "We're ready to go. You coming?"

"Hang on, I'm in the bathroom," Judy called.

"Well, hurry up," Bob said. "We're already late."

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Good grief."

So, what are your thoughts on all this? Do you like writing dialog, or do you find it difficult? Do you ever write plays or screenplays, which are almost nothing but dialog? What are your own personal "do's and don'ts"? Do you ever use dialog tags just to help regulate the sound or rhythm of a sentence? Do you ever read your dialog aloud to see if it "sounds" right? What are some of your own hints and tips?

There is of course much more that could be said about dialog and its rules, but I know (or I hope I know) when I've rambled long enough. So pick up your car keys, unless you're in the bathroom, and come on--we're already late. Go do some writing.

"What kind of writing?" she asked.

"Dialog," he said.