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| domesticated flying squirrel |
Monday, our Chris Knopf persuasively wrote The Irresistible Sciurus carolinensis, i.e, the grey squirrel. I'm here today with a rebuttal. Much like Miss Bubbles LaFerne, squirrels are cute cuddly…
Homewreckers!
Yep. Wild squirrels let me pet them and I’ve had flying squirrels as pets– they’re small, like gerbils. I’ve met black squirrels, white squirrels, and red squirrels.
But at the moment, I’m leaning toward the rats-with-furry-tails philosophy. The Florida floods following Hurricane Ian persuaded rodents of all sorts to seek higher ground. In my area, the August Council of Rodent Emigration (ACRE) decided that meant Leigh’s attic.
Soffits, we laugh at you! Sciurus carolinensis moved in and never left. Invasive greys are known for driving red squirrels out of their traditional habitats. I know that feeling. They are…
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| black squirrel |
Hometakers!
They refused rat bait (not intended for squirrels) and they discovered Valentine’s cockatoo food suited them quite nicely: sunflowers and salads and fancy nuts, thank you very much. During the recent cold snap– okay, what passes for a cold snap in Florida– the squirrel delegation decided they need not go out when fresh food is delivered downstairs.
Quite the overstayed guests, they are rude little…
Homemakers! (aka Make Themselves at Home)
New drywall– the gypsum board to replace that damaged in Hurricane Ian’s wake– represents a small barrier. The furballs gnaw windows above the fireplace to see what’s going on. The scene resembles one of those old gothic movies where spirits lean out of picture frames. That’s our squirrels, resting their elbows on their most recent window-to-the-world, wondering why Miss M is hurling pots and pans and curses at them. But once upon a time…
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| white squirrel |
Home Fries!
Before Florida, I lived in a state forest in Minnesota. Lots of wildlife, lots of squirrels. Not by coincidence, the electrical power would sometimes go boom with an explosion like a shotgun blast.
The house had its own transformer high on a utility pole. You may have noticed squirrels like to climb, and the pole was no exception. From time to time, Squeaky or Squiffy or Squirmy's curiosity would come to the fore. One or another would climb on the transformer, shorting it out and blowing the fuse with a bang heard ’round the forest. Lois at the electric company would exclaim, “Glory be. Sounds like Leigh’s transformer blew again. Earl, you up for the trip?”
As a result of tripping the fuse link, Squiffy or Squirmy or Squeaky would be blown away, figuratively and literally. Funeral arrangements occurred the next day. Furry families requested sunflower seeds in lieu of sunflowers.
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| red squirrel |
Home Savers!
After transformer blasts occurred a few times, I told the company’s lineman these untenable squirrel blasts were expensive for the electric company, the squirrel population, and me in the middle of critical lines of code on my computer.
“Oh,” Earl said. “Why don’t you request a squirrel sleeve?”
“Why has no one mentioned this?” I said. “What’s a squirrel sleeve?”
The device, as you might surmise, was a 20-inch / 50cm length of galvanized sheet metal wrapped high around the utility pole. Squirrels might ascend to the sleeve, but not climb past its slippery surface. No more Spiffys or Squiffys or Rocky Js would die on my watch.
My thoughtfulness won numerous Squirrelman of the Year awards, whereupon rodents everywhere figured I’d welcome them to my house and hearth.
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| grey squirrel |
Homebody!
I concede a major point to Chris: If I could reincarnate as any karmic wheel-of-life creature, a squirrel would make a good candidate. Sure, they work hard, but the little acrobats play hard too, scampering and teasing, friends-with-benefits flirting and playing you-can’t catch-me tag.
They are smart and wily. Defeated homeowners have posted videos of incredible obstacle courses originally intended to keep the little buggers out of bird feeders.
Score: Squirrels 137,528 Humans 0
Moreover, naturalists tell us squirrels are the only mammal that can survive a drop from any height. When they spread their limbs, loose skin of the abdomen flattens just enough to resemble a wing suit, letting them parachute safely to a landing. Better than a flat cat! How cool is that!
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| Rocky J Squirrel © Geico, Jay Ward Prod. et al |
But chewing the wiring in someone’s old house?
Nuts to that.
So…
Any chance your karmic lineage includes a squirrel?
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| wingsuit human flying squirrel © Squirrel.ws |
Squirrels are endlessly entertaining. I love it when one of them sits on a branch and starts chattering away - probably threatening - at the other squirrels on the ground and then suddenly the obstacle race around the grounds begin! Great.
ReplyDeleteI get a kick how they spiral up a tree chasing one another, Eve.
DeleteTourists make a point of visiting the handful of black squirrel habitats such as Bolívar Plaza in Caracas. Washington DC is another location. Canada has concentrations too, although I haven't personally visited them. The critters make pretty good buskers.
Both black and grey here, as I sit looking at out Lake Ontario south of Toronto! We have one we call 'Secret Squirrel' who climbs to our balcony (four floors up!) and tries to take the cushions from our outdoor furniture. The insides make great nest material. Mike, who is 6 foot one, and 220, regularly has yelling wars with him, from a distance of three feet (I swear this squirrel has a death wish!) So far, it's a draw.
ReplyDeleteMike has a major disadvantage, Melodie. The squirrel can jump from the balcony and safely land 10-12 metres below. Mike… probably not.
DeleteOn the other hand, come winter, silly squirrel has to randomly dig around the yard trying to find the acorns he buried months ago. Mike would use a spreadsheet.
We have grey squirrels everywhere (although they have a reddish tinge), and one gang (?) of black squirrels over in Tomar Park... how that happened I'll never know.
ReplyDeleteEve, grey, black, and red squirrels can interbreed. When they do, Mother Nature gets to decide their coloration. Your squirrels may be having extra fun on the side.
DeleteI'm sure they are. Squirrel kamasutra is rarely mentioned, but it is certainly public and highly acrobatic.
ReplyDeleteAround here in Buffalo we have mostly gray squirrels although I've seen a few black ones. I haven't seen any red squirrels or chipmunks here at all. We do have groundhogs! A groundhog chewed up a wire under our car, to our catalytic converter or traction control device or something.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, red squirrels used to be more prevalent, but deforestation and the aggressiveness of grey squirrels has reduced their population. But perhaps one was hiding in your catalytic converter.
Deletesnort
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure who snorted, Anon, but Eve's squirrel Kama Sutra had me snocking.
ReplyDelete