28 September 2024

Where Have All the Gentleman Gone?


 

Warning: Controversial material ahead 


 

Mike and I had a favourite couple over for dinner last weekend, and something Cindy said has been haunting me ever since.

Where have all the Gentlemen gone?  

It used to be that Cary Grant and David Niven were role models for young men.  All the girls swooned over Cary Grant, so young men wanted to BE like Cary Grant. 

It wasn't just his looks.  It was the way he treated others. He was a Gentleman.

I remember other gentlemen from the movies: Frank Sinatra, Jimmy Stewart, Elvis and even John Wayne!  Men who treated women with respect, but were still highly regarded as men who would step up to battle (be it personal, or wartime) if needed.

A gentleman was strong. He was sure of himself. He didn't have to belittle others to make himself feel good.

My own favourite was Humphrey Bogart.  Yes, he was way before my time, but movies like Casablanca and To Have and Have Not, cemented my ideas of what an ideal man would be like.  Someone who is decent and honorable, but also a protector.

You ask any woman what she wants in a man, and most will say 'a Gentleman'.  What do we mean? A fellow who treats her with respect.  Who understands that she deserves agency over her own life. Who does not use blue language around her. Who especially does not refer to women's body parts crudely, as if talking about a prostitute. ( I'm reminded of a certain political candidate here...)

I ask again: where have all the gentlemen gone? How did we lose this ideal?

My friend puts this sorry change down to the movies. In the old days, many movies put value on the way a man behaved.  If he treated women well, was honest with others and decent in his behaviour, he was a good guy.  He got to wear the white hat. This reflected societal values - the values I grew up with.

Now, so many movies and thriller novels portray the 'good guy' as a killer; they glorify bullies who use crude language that belittles women, while blasting their way through countless people, grinning all the while.

If that is the current idea of a hero in Hollywood or thrillers, then it's no wonder young men are seeing this as a role model.

But I tell you, men - it's not what women want.  Ask us.

 

With thanks to all the men in my life, and on Sleuthsayers, who are Gentlemen.

 

Melodie Campbell loves creating steadfast, courageous heroes with honour, who are gentlemen.  You can read about them in The Merry Widow Murder series, including the upcoming Silent Film Star Murders.  Available now for preorder at Barnes and Noble, Chapters/Indigo, and all the usual suspects.


 






14 comments:

  1. The best example of a gentleman in the entertainment field today has to be Keanu Reeves. And there's Jon Bon Jovi, who last week helped talk a woman off the ledge of a Nashville bridge. Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz showed us what a man was when he hugged his son at the DNC and with his evident love for his wife and daughter. A gentleman is kind and loving and empathetic. Gentlemen are all around us but sometimes it's hard to see them in the glare of the Sean "Diddy" Combs's, Kid Rocks, J. D. Vances, and Donald Trumps. We must never lose sight of the good.

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    1. Jerry, I love your response! Yes, you are right, and we must never lose sight of the good. I guess I worry that Hollywood doesn't portray that kind of man on the screen much anymore, in favour of men who do violence. Thanks for this thoughtful response.

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    2. Tim Walz? Guess you haven't seen the news: Governor Walz’s Ties to the CCP. The man is a traitor. Info here: https://oversight.house.gov/release/comer-subpoenas-dhs-after-whistleblower-reveals-information-on-governor-walzs-ties-to-the-ccp/

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  2. Preach it, Melodie, preach it! And yes, Keanu Reeves, Tim Walz, Jon Bon Jovi are all gentlemen.

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    1. It does my heart good, to see those names, Eve!

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  3. My daughter mentioned that I should also add Tom Hanks. Being a true "man" MEANS being a gentleman, something some testosterone-hyped yahoos never got straight. And if you've never changed a diaper you're not truly a man.

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    1. Oh, that's lovely, Jerry! Thank you. And I hope we get more men we know to respond to this post. I'd love to hear from them.

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    2. The underaged girls on Epstein's island would argue against Hanks being anything other than a letch.

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  4. Just saw this, Melodie. Well done. Important to say that we feminists are all for gentlemen. I'm proud and grateful that my father was a gentleman, and so are my son, now 54, who's raised a couple of dynamite girls in equal partnership with their mom, and my husband of 43 years. It was he who used the word with reference to my father when he spoke at Dad's funeral many years ago.

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    1. That is lovely to hear, Liz! I am hoping that more of our gentlemen on Sleuthsayers will chime in. I'm eager to get their take on it all.

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  5. Great thread! Me, I blame the Walkman from the 1990s and the steady stream of isolating devices, ever since. Families don't even eat together anymore. Kids are in their rooms if they're home at all. And, I agree that they learn how to behave from film & TV -- human life has no value to them, just The One. Maybe Keanu Reeves is a gentleman IRL, but not in his films. And he smokes like a friggin chimney!

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    1. Now, that's very interesting Anon, about Keanu Reeves in real life, vs his films.I'm going to think about that, and what it means...Melodie

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