Where Have All the Gentleman Gone?

 

Warning: Controversial material ahead 

 

Mike and I had a favourite couple over for dinner last weekend, and something Cindy said has been haunting me ever since.

Where have all the Gentlemen gone?  

It used to be that Cary Grant and David Niven were role models for young men.  All the girls swooned over Cary Grant, so young men wanted to BE like Cary Grant. 

It wasn't just his looks.  It was the way he treated others. He was a Gentleman.

I remember other gentlemen from the movies: Frank Sinatra, Jimmy Stewart, Elvis and even John Wayne!  Men who treated women with respect, but were still highly regarded as men who would step up to battle (be it personal, or wartime) if needed.

A gentleman was strong. He was sure of himself. He didn't have to belittle others to make himself feel good.

My own favourite was Humphrey Bogart.  Yes, he was way before my time, but movies like Casablanca and To Have and Have Not, cemented my ideas of what an ideal man would be like.  Someone who is decent and honorable, but also a protector.

You ask any woman what she wants in a man, and most will say 'a Gentleman'.  What do we mean? A fellow who treats her with respect.  Who understands that she deserves agency over her own life. Who does not use blue language around her. Who especially does not refer to women's body parts crudely, as if talking about a prostitute. ( I'm reminded of a certain political candidate here...)

I ask again: where have all the gentlemen gone? How did we lose this ideal?

My friend puts this sorry change down to the movies. In the old days, many movies put value on the way a man behaved.  If he treated women well, was honest with others and decent in his behaviour, he was a good guy.  He got to wear the white hat. This reflected societal values - the values I grew up with.

Now, so many movies and thriller novels portray the 'good guy' as a killer; they glorify bullies who use crude language that belittles women, while blasting their way through countless people, grinning all the while.

If that is the current idea of a hero in Hollywood or thrillers, then it's no wonder young men are seeing this as a role model.

But I tell you, men - it's not what women want.  Ask us.

 

With thanks to all the men in my life, and on Sleuthsayers, who are Gentlemen.

 

Melodie Campbell loves creating steadfast, courageous heroes with honour, who are gentlemen.  You can read about them in The Merry Widow Murder series, including the upcoming Silent Film Star Murders.  Available now for preorder at Barnes and Noble, Chapters/Indigo, and all the usual suspects.