This Week's Barrel of Fun

The state of the world is making me cranky, so I thought I'd channel that feeling by providing a selection from Famous Insults:

Enjoy!

Why pay money to have your family tree traced? Go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. — Unknown

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages. — Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. — Oscar Wilde

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. — Abraham Lincoln

There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em. — Yogi Berra

Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case. — Unknown

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. — Marilyn Monroe

I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I'm not dumb, and I'm also not blonde. — Dolly Parton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. — Oscar Ameringer

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. — Elayne Boosler

Shaw: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."
Churchill, in response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."

The problem with most women is that they get all excited about nothing, then marry him. — Cher

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. — Lao Tzu

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. — Mark Twain

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. — Winston Churchill

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker

Man cannot make a worm, yet he will make gods by the dozen. - Michel de Montaigne

I've had men and I've had women, and there's got to be something better.—Tallulah Bankhead

Americans always try to do the right thing, after they've tried everything else first. ― Winston Churchill

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. — Mark Twain

An irate British MP: Mr. Prime Minister, must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?
Winston Churchill: No, it's purely voluntary.

A British MP: Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease!
Benjamin Disraeli: That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress!

Reporter: Coach, what do you think of your team's execution?
Yogi Berra: I'm all for it.

Lewis Morris: There's a conspiracy against me, a conspiracy of silence. What should I do?
Oscar Wilde: Join it.

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. — Charlotte Whitton

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. — Aesop

And perhaps my favorite:

Actress: "I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?"
Ilka Chase: "Darling, I'm so glad that you liked it! Who read it to you?"

*****

Meanwhile, one of the few pieces of good news that I found - check out this story about how scientists have finally deciphered and analyzed a 5,500 year old Sumerian Star Map which "shows that the Sumerians made an observation of an Aten asteroid over a kilometer in diameter that impacted Köfels in Austria in the early morning of 29th June 3123 BC."  (LINK)

Now if they could just find and decipher the Sumerian astronomers' diaries!