In case you haven't heard, there's a Florida Man Contest out there, where you Google "Florida Man" for your birthday or some such date and see what comes up. Jack Holmes at Esquire provides quite a list: FLORIDA MAN 2015. But every state has its own crazies. So I thought I'd add a few from South Dakota to the mix. Only one of these is not a true story!
Florida Man Covers Himself in Ashes, Says He's a 400-Year-Old Indian, Crashes Stolen Car
Florida Man Puts Dragon Lizard in His Mouth, Smacks People with It
Dakota Man Known for Exposing Himself, Takes His Talent to Florida
Florida Man Killed 5 Gators, Ate Them for Super Bowl Dinner
Drunk, Machete-Wielding Florida Man Chases Neighbor on Lawnmower
Ride Naked, Ride Quiet, Ride An Indian [to Sturgis, SD]
Florida Man Tries to Sell 3 Iguanas Taped to His Bike to Passersby as Dinner
Florida Man on Bath Salts Head-Butts Car, Slaps Fire Chief
South Dakota Man Sentenced for killing Bald Eagle in Nebraska.
Drunk, High Florida Men Post Video to Facebook of Themselves Driving Around at 3 AM with Wounded, Possibly Endangered Owl
Aliens Converge on Sioux Falls, SD.
SD Breastfeeding Bandit Sneaks Into Home and Suckles Stranger's Baby
Florida Man Impersonating a Police Officer Pulls Over Real Cops
Florida Man Advertises "Legit Counterfeit $" on Craigslist, Is Arrested
South Dakota Man Gets $190 Fine for Snake Without a Leash
Florida Man Lands Gyrocopter on Capitol Lawn to Demand Campaign Finance Reform, Is Arrested
South Dakota Man Sues Over Burst Exercise Ball
Florida Man High on Meth Jumps on Strangers' Cars, Surfs Them
Florida Man Interested in Getting Tased Runs Through Airport in Underwear Waiving Nunchucks
Identical Twin Florida Men Arrested After Getting in Brick Fight
Florida Man Arrested for Grand Theft After Trying to Walk Out of Store with AK-47s Stuffed Down His Pants
82-Year-Old Florida Man Slashes 88-Year-Old Florida Woman's Tires with an Ice Pick for Taking His Seat at Bingo
Florida Man Dances on Top of Police Cruiser to Ward Off Vampires
Clark, SD, Home to World Famous Mashed Potato Wrestling Contest
Florida Man Rips Hole in Store Ceiling, Steals More Than 70 Guns, Flees on 3-Wheel Bicycle
Florida Man Dressed as Pirate Arrested for Firing Musket at Passing Cars
Doing Black Hair at Home No Longer Illegal in South Dakota
Florida Man Steals Operating Table from Hospital
Florida Man Steals $2 Million in Legos
Crack-Smoking Florida Man Drinks Capri Sun to Rehydrate During Police Chase
Florida Man's Fishing Trip Interrupts Weather Report
SD man stuck in tree bites firefighter during rescue.
Florida Man Flees Library on Scooter After Smelling Woman's Feet
Dakota Man Accused of Stripping, Getting Into Holy Water Fountain
Florida Man on the Lam Butt Dials 911, Is Arrested
Dakota Man Found Asleep in Truck in Miami With an Arsenal of Guns
Florida Man Too Drunk to Be Honored by Mothers Against Drunk Driving
Florida Man Catches Shark That Bit Him, Pledges to Eat It
Florida Man Crawls into Cracker Barrel Bathroom Stall to Proposition Occupant for Sex
Florida Man Crashes Car into Business While Trying to Time Travel
I'll post the answer to which one is fake in the comments section later.
Enjoy!
28 March 2019
11 comments:
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Funny stuff, Eve. And was that guy going to sell the Legos on the black market? I think he'd have to take a cut in price.
ReplyDeleteI know.
ReplyDeleteBTW, the one that isn't real is, "Aliens Converge on Sioux Falls, SD" - then again, maybe they have. Who am I to say?
A spectacularly fun read, Eve! It's tough to pick a favorite, but I admire the guy who jumps on strangers' cars and surfs them. If you take out the "high on meth" part, it sounds adventurous.
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought Connecticut had weirdos!
ReplyDeleteFlorida Man and his ilk are too rich a blend for fiction.
Thanks Lawrence and Janice - if you want to have some fun, google your state man and see what comes up.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking aliens, Eve, mainly because it was the most normal-sounding entry. Then I wondered if it might be illegal aliens. Great list.
ReplyDeleteSome I recognized (your list reads like the Orlando Sentinel), but many I didn't. My favorite in your list is about the guy who butt-dials 911! I love it.
I know - my favorite, simply because it's so unbelievably weird and in South Dakota - is the Breastfeeding Bandit...
ReplyDeleteBut if the breastfeeding bandit gives and doesn't take, is that still banditry?
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Eve. In South Florida, a guy who called himself a Breast Inspector, was arrested after years in the business, so to speak. Police estimate he'd inspected more than 400 women, some who returned multiple times for re-inspections, before someone finally filed a complaint.
ReplyDeleteLeigh, I guess the other headline would be, "Thanks for the mammaries!"
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